Getting Nailed on Mother’s Day

No, I’m not referring to a naughty Mother’s Day present from my husband…although that would be fun…I’d like to think this post will be a bit more insightful…

Today I woke up to the four sweetest children a mom could ask for. My morning began with my 4 year old jumping out of bed and begging to give me the papers he drew for me yesterday. He explained what the pictures were, so proud of what he gave me. I got up and started to get ready for church. As I got ready, Nathanuel eagerly knocked on my bedroom door, holding a hot cup of coffee and a smile a mile wide. “Happy Mother’s Day!”

I said my thanks and hugged him, wondering why I was feeling so emotional. Something in me was………………….sad.

So then I thought about Faith in Florida’s niece, and the tears started coming. Maybe THAT is what is bothering me. It’s so unfair that this poor girl has to spend this day in mourning for her lost mother instead of celebrating having her near.

I got myself together, got dressed, and made my way downstairs. The kids flooded me with their love. My husband was making me breakfast. He’d just returned from setting up the church and he rushed home to make me breakfast! Blueberry pancakes. MMMMMMMMM!

As Scott cooked, I shared with him the sadness on my heart, and why. I think it’s an issue so near and dear to my heart to know this poor child is with out her mom because I feel it could happen to ANYONE. I’ve actually prayed that God would preserve my life for the sake of my children, so that they would not have to go through their childhood without a mom…I can’t imagine how painful it would be to not have a mother around during the most important years of a person’s life. I can’t imagine, as a mom, missing out on watching my child grow up.

Think that was it? No, this is just the beginning…

As we sat around the breakfast table enjoying our time together, I opened up my Mother’s Day cards. I got one from each of the boys, funny, yet sweet, and one from Scott and my “princess” officially crowning me queen. As I opened each card, the emotions got stronger. I had to turn my head away to hide the tears. What a joy to see my children so happy and excited to give me the cards. When I opened Nathanuel’s, I found a $5 bill in there…he gave me $5 out of his spending money! He probably has about $3 left, and he was proud about the fact that he still had money left. I didn’t want to keep it, but it would have disappointed him if I’d given it back.

The last card was a gift certificate for a message. YES! Thursday at 3:15 p.m. I’m looking forward to that. Then in a pretty little gift bag, was something Pacey wanted to pick out for me. Last week we’d stopped by Starbucks for a drink before Scott went out of town and he, Pacey, wanted to get me something soooooooo bad. So Scott took him back yesterday and Pacey picked out a coffee cup I’d been admiring, along with some biscotti. They remembered.

So, we enjoyed our time, our breakfast as a family and I got ready for church. We ended up being late, but that’s okay. I think they started fairly late because of all the families coming in so late from spending a little more time with Mom over breakfast. So we get to church, and have a beautiful Praise and Worship service.

Then our pastor gets up to speak. His message basically tied in to the roles of a mother and how the church has the same roles in the world today…but as we talked about all the things moms do, Donavan kept tearing up. He was the least enthusiastic about Mother’s Day, and last year I remember getting really upset with him for not even telling me Happy Mother’s Day until Scott said something to him even though all the other kids had remembered to say something (even in front of him). He just didn’t want to say it. So here he is tearing up…and it hit me. He is mourning the loss of his mother too…the mother who was never there even when she was there. The mother who gave birth to him, then neglected him, gave him up, and never attempted to express her love for him again. THAT is why he has a hard time with Mother’s day. I’m so selfish. Last year I got mad at him and never saw that he was hurting. It took an entire year for me to see that today may not be so easy for him to celebrate.

So the pastor asked for others to share memories of their moms, and as others shared, Scott appeared a bit frustrated. Ugh…I knew what he was about to tell me. He leaned over and said, “I can’t think of one good memory I can share about my mom.” I could tell he was struggling to come up with something, and then he slightly lifted his hand, the pastor called on someone else…I took the opportunity to lean over and whisper, “You know you DON’T HAVE TO say anything, right?” He nodded…”I want to,” was his reply.

So, the pastor was about to go on with his message and Scott persisted, he rose his hand higher. “Scott, do you have something you want to share?”

Scott took the opportunity to share what the Lord had just revealed to Him. He shared how he’d been trying to think of something – a good memory to share about his mom, but just couldn’t. His biological mom gave him and his sister up when he was 4 and hadn’t spoken to him until a few years ago. His step-mom abused him in just about every way you can imagine. Then he said, “I don’t have something good to share about my mom, she gave me up and my stepmom was unable to love the children who were not really hers, but God blessed me instead with a wife who was able to take in 3 children who were not her own and yet still love them as her own and I can appreciate that going through what I went through.” I felt myself sinking into my chair…was I not complaining the last 2 weeks about being a mom and all the things expected of me? Yes, pour the hot coals over my head, my dear! And the truth is, that is the church’s role, to take in the orphaned, neglected, rejected, and love them as their own…

After church, I spoke with Donavan. He asked me if he was an illegitimate child. Not in my eyes! He’s MY CHILD. Then I spoke…I let him know it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay if today is hard for him. He tried to blow it off, to say that Rachel doesn’t really mean anything to him. He said this with tears in his eyes. I told him that IF she is SOMETHING to him, and IF he is sad that he doesn’t have more with her, it’s okay. He can be sad today. I told him that in my sick little way, I’m so thankful she gave him up so that he could be mine, and that I love him so much, but if he is sad that she did give him up, then I don’t want him to feel like he has to deny those feelings out of a sense of loyalty to me, or fear that I’d get upset.

I have 3 children who either are or probably will have to deal with some sort of a sense of loss this time of year…loss of their biological mothers, and a husband who probably mourned today and struggled with whether or not he should call his mom to tell her Happy Mother’s day even if she didn’t deserve it, and yet he worked past that to make my day special.

So here I’ve been complaining and moaning about all the things I do and all the things I don’t want to face in my future, and I’ve totally lost site of who God sees in me. I am a Mother. Being a Mother is a calling. Being a Mother is an example for the church as a whole. Being a Mother is hard and being a Mother means years of serving and sacrifice, heartbreak, sweat, tears, and unconditional love. I am called by God to do the things I do, and what’s important for my children is NOT WHERE WE LIVE or how often we move, but that we are together and that I am there for them, and that I love them with all my heart.

And here I am, honored by my children and husband on a day that really is a sad day for them. What a humbling experience.

So…

to all the women who want to be moms, to give a child a loving home, but are waiting on God for their little miracle, Happy Mother’s Day to you…may God bless you with your heart’s desire.

to all the women who grew up without a good mom to show them how to be moms, and still chose to be good moms to their children, Happy Mother’s Day to you…

to all the women who have led others into salvation, who have been a source of comfort and safety to someone hurting or scared, Happy Mother’s Day to you…

to the children without their moms on this special day, May the Lord bless you and keep you, and comfort you. I pray that you will grow strong and trust in Him to provide for you. He loves you. I pray that one day this day will be special in some way for you. I pray that you will be blessed with children who honor you as a mother, or a wife who loves your children with all her heart.

to my mom, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to share this special day with you, thank you for all you’ve done and for all you do. I’m so thankful for you. Happy Mother’s Day to you!