My husband flew his brother out here on Christmas Eve. The plan was for him to come in, hang out, and maybe do some work in order to earn some money, (he’s currently on disability and we figured it would be a good way to help him out and get some stuff done around here we don’t have the time to do) and then, the rest of the plan was for him to leave today.
Well, his brother decided instead of money, he wanted us to just get a gaming system for him because he knew he’d never buy it for himself, but was comfortable enough asking us to get it as a form of payment. We asked him in exchange to sand down and stain our formal dining room table and 8 chairs. He agreed, we bought the gaming system, he flew in, and as planned, we hung out together, did some fun stuff, and then the guys hung out.
And they hung out, and they hung out, and they hung out. I told my husband, “He isn’t going to get that table done in time if he doesn’t get started on it soon.” My concern was more about how things were going to be handled since Scott had already given him the game system.
My husband said, “He’ll get it done.”
My husband came to me the other day, the same day I found out my sister was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy with a grim look on his face. He wanted to talk alone in the room. “What?” I asked, “He didn’t ask to move in did he?”
“No, it’s not THAT bad.” He said. Probably a good thing the conversation went that way because I was so thankful he didn’t ask to move in with us that hearing that there was no way he was going to get the work done in time didn’t seem as bad (until later when I had time to think about it!). Only problem was, how do we does he handle it? His brother had already opened up the gaming system and used it and it was pretty much unreturnable (is that a word?) We didn’t want it, but didn’t feel we should send it home with him (nor would he have taken it) when he hadn’t completed the work. Talk about awkward.
I pretty much left it up to Scott. I didn’t need the extra stress and with all my pregnancy hormones, the more involved I got, the more angry I felt. Did I not say this was going to happen? Yes, it was best to just leave it to Scott before I say something stupid. Scott decided to leave it up to his brother, which kind of sucked because we both knew what he was going to do.
So today he was supposed to fly out, but he ended up extending his stay another week because he still hasn’t completed the job. Arghhhhhh!
Needless to say,
I. am. frustrated.
Why do you ask?
First of all, the man is LOUD. I find myself getting angry at my husband because I feel like he should be reminding HIS BROTHER to quiet down when Addison and I are napping or sleeping at night (and how I’ve needed the sleep during this pregnancy!) I’m sure he does once or twice, but it would take constant reminders. To top that off, I just need some quiet time. The only way I’m getting it is by escaping to my room. I don’t want to have to escape to my room every time I need things to be quiet. (And yes, I’m a sissy. If it’s cold and snowing or raining, you can forget about me going out!)
Second, I feel like I’m constantly competing for my husband’s attention. I’m used to being number 1 in my husband’s life. (Aside from God) And it just isn’t that way right now. Sure, I expected to have to share my husband some during his vacation, and I knew it would get old after the first week, but I knew I just had to make it until Saturday and then I’d at least have the rest of the weekend with my husband before life resumed to its normal busy schedule. His vacation days are precious to me (and him), so sharing them like this, gets hard.
It’s damn near impossible at times (many times) to get my husband’s attention when my brother-in-law is around. Sometimes he seems way more engaged in what they are doing (or talking about) to notice that I’ve called him, oh I don’t know, like 50 times. Or maybe it’s just that my brother in law is 10 times louder than me and I just can’t scream my husband’s name loud enough for him to hear me. I really love it when I’m trying to be involved in the conversation, or ask a question, and I’m either interrupted by BIL or just simply not heard. (Okay, and I get that there are times when Scott may not hear me, but this happens a LOT when BIL is around).
Honestly, it’s put a bit of a strain on our relationship. Why would I want to have sex at 12 o’clock in the a.m. after my husband just spent the evening with his brother playing video games or watching a crappy movie? I’m one of those ladies who needs to be warmed up before sex and laying in bed by myself trying to sleep over the loud t.v. and/or my brother-in-law’s loudness just does nothing for me. Hanging out with my husband and brother-in-law doesn’t do much for me either. I kind of need the intimacy and bonding time with my husband. Shoot, I’ve spent the last couple of nights wide awake in my room – alone – while Scott’s hanging out with his brother. I get wanting to hang out, but this was supposed to be my time with my husband now and I’m not getting it. And what about taking turns? I want my turn!
And can I say that I don’t always feel my brother-in-law is the best influence? It always starts off okay, but after days and days, I notice Scott becomes less attentive, less patient, whatever. Things he’d usually notice, he doesn’t.
I asked my hubby to go to the mall with me today just so we could get out alone, (and yes, I told him I wanted some time alone with him) but that didn’t work out either. I kind of felt like he was willing, but reluctant to go, other things took priority, so I didn’t even bother to get ready. Really? I just wanted some time alone with him. I desperately need time for us. I know he doesn’t want to sit around watching me try on clothes, but I feel like the only way we can have a decent conversation right now is in the car alone. I just wanted to get away with him. I wanted him to say, “Okay, Honey, I’m making you/us my first priority today.” Today and tomorrow are the last two days before our lives get crazy again with school and work and just life in general. We didn’t even have to go to the mall, I just wanted to get away.
The stress of it all just makes me want to sleep – or cry. I have lost all motivation to do anything. Yes, I’m depressed. This isn’t how I envisioned spending our entire “vacation.” AND I’m pregnant. I need/want/crave the extra attention. This is my last pregnancy. It kind of bothers me that this is it, you know?
I’m really trying to be graceful about this whole thing, but three weeks is a long time to share your hubby, or your house, and your life with another adult who lives a completely different life from you. I know I’ll make it, I know my problems are nothing compared to what others are going through right now, and don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed his visit, but I really REALLY need life to get back to normal again. I need my peace and quiet, I need my husband back, I need to not have to escape to the bedroom or feel alone at night. I need my house to be mine again.
I know this rant sounds entirely selfish of me, but
I guess what I’m saying is, I want him to go home!
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