Today is my youngest sister’s 22nd birthday. I remember as a kid, thinking about our ages. “Wow, when M turns 21, I’ll be 28!” I marveled. 28 was so OLD.
But today she is 22. I’m beyond old…I’m almost 30! 😉 And she is still just a baby in this big cruel world.
I wonder what she is doing today. I wonder if she knows how excited my other sister and I were the day she was born. I wonder if she knows how much she is loved. I wonder if she understands how much our hearts break at the thought of where she is at in her life right now. I wonder if she knows how much I regret not being more protective over her as we were growing up. But I guess I was just a kid myself.
My sister and I rarely talk…maybe twice a year if it’s a good year. If my Mom happens to be with her over the holidays, she’ll put my little sister on the phone, and we make small talk because there’s not a whole lot to say when you aren’t close to somebody.
I wish we could be closer, but I don’t know how to be close to her. My heart aches for the pain she has brought on herself from decisions she’s made, and I pray that she isn’t getting into “big” trouble again. The last thing I want to hear is my sister is back in prison. No. The last thing I want to hear is that she’s OD’d somewhere, at some party surrounded by people who never really cared about her in the first place.
I pray that she is doing okay and that she isn’t screwing up her life. I pray that she realizes her full potential and lives up to it before it’s too late. I pray that she could just grasp the depth of God’s love for her…she is so special, yet she hides behind whatever she can, whether it’s lies or lack of communication so that her family can’t even express their love for her the way she desires to be loved. I wouldn’t say she is hard, she just seems numb.
But I hope that today is the beginning of a new life. I hope today she has the best birthday ever. I pray that she realizes how much she is loved and what could just be if…if she’d just stop numbing the pain and start taking the steps towards healing.
Happy Birthday, M.
What a difficult situation for a big sister in. Don’t put any blame on yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
What a difficult situation for a big sister in. Don’t put any blame on yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I meant to write “for a big sister to be in.”
I’ll echo your prayers.
**hugs**
I’ll echo your prayers.
**hugs**
I was once your sister. I wish I could meet her one day.
I was once your sister. I wish I could meet her one day.
You know what I meant right? I was once ‘that girl.’ Didn’t want to sound too crazy there…
You know what I meant right? I was once ‘that girl.’ Didn’t want to sound too crazy there…
Her life has change drastically. She is a great mother to a 2 yr old boy that loves her and looks up to her. She is a hard worker making money to pay off her past mistakes. She pays her bills and lives under the roof of a beautiful lakeside home. She doesn’t do drugs and socially drinks. Shes even trying new things, such as seafood. lol.She is partof an extremely happy family who love and whatch over one another. Shes happy and safe. I am very proud of her as should you all. *Anonymously All Grown Up*
Her life has change drastically. She is a great mother to a 2 yr old boy that loves her and looks up to her. She is a hard worker making money to pay off her past mistakes. She pays her bills and lives under the roof of a beautiful lakeside home. She doesn’t do drugs and socially drinks. Shes even trying new things, such as seafood. lol.She is partof an extremely happy family who love and whatch over one another. Shes happy and safe. I am very proud of her as should you all. *Anonymously All Grown Up*