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Archive for September, 2008

Little Nummies

You have to check this out: 

Little Nummies 

Kellie is so creative with the SUPER EASY meals she makes for her kids.  In fact, she inspired Scott and I to have a little fun with our kids’ sandwiches during our power outage.  Too bad ours didn’t turn out quite as cute as hers…at least we got to play with their food before they ate it!

Anyway, What do you think of Kellie’s creations? 

Do you have any to share?  I/Kellie (WE) would love to hear about them!  🙂

P.S.  I stole this pick from Kellie’s site after asking her…only I didn’t wait for her answer, so hopefully she doesn’t mind!  😉  I’ll remove it if you want me to!

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So I started this post last Friday.  I even finished it, but when I went to hit the save button, the darn thing didn’t save it!  No, it lost 1/2 my story!  So I finished it today…but it’s still written as if it happened yesterday.  I just don’t have the time/energy to go back and change it up!

Here goes:

The funniest thing happened to me yesterday, but first, let me say a big cheer!  I’m SO happy we finally got our power back!  (If you didn’t hear on the news, hundreds of thousands of people lost their power here in Ohio last Sunday!)  And today, we finally got our cable internet, t.v. and phone back!  I’m thrilled!

Anyway, yesterday I decided to make a trip to the grocery store to replace some of the groceries we lost when we lost power.  I knew it would be crowded since everyone would be doing the same thing!  So, I tried my best to get out in a timely manner.  Only America had other plans.  First she spit up all over my shirt, and then her diaper leaked.  I just about gave up because I knew I’d be very limited on time with having to get Kelly back in time for her bus.  But, I knew how bad we needed these groceries!  Even if I didn’t get everything, something would be better than nothing!  We were all getting so tired of PB&J!

So, we get to the store, and just like I thought, the parking lot was packed.  I decided to go in anyway, and realized that I was going to have to use two carts.  One to put Madison in, and one for America.  So I’m pushing one, pulling the other, with Kelly helping with the one behind me.  She insisted she could push it by herself so I decided to let her try.  My ankle screamed at me just a few seconds later.  “Big Mistake, Knucklehead!”  It is now bruised from her crashing the cart straight into me.  She could push it, but she never said she could stop it once she got it going!

So we rushed through the store.  I kept my cell phone in my pocket so I could keep track of time, and we made it back to the front of the store with almosteverything on my list.  Not a bad trip overall, if only the lines weren’t soooooo long!  I tried to pick the shortest line, but they all seemed to be moving so slow.  The lane next to me had a cashier but the light was off at her register, so I was afraid she was leaving for a break.  I waited and kind of watched her progress.  There were a couple older ladies in front of me, and they were moving so slow.  I decided to switch lines when I saw that there was only one lady left in the line next to me.  I pushed my cart over, with a fussy America, and started putting my groceries on the belt. 

I pulled out my phone and saw we were doing good on time.  Only the ONE lady in front of me took longer the two people who were in front of me in the other lane!  She had this coupon for $5 off with a $40 purchase…and she was a few cents shy of $40.  I just wanted to scream at this woman as she tried to figure out how to resolve her coupon dilemma.  She just had to have that $5 off, but didn’t want to buy anything else.  Grab a pack of freakin’ gum already!

Then, she had to run her separate grocery order through.  Yes, she had two different sections on the belt, and couldn’t grab something from the second section to add to her first transaction to equal $40 (or more).  And I sat there as the woman who took my place in the first line checked out and walked away.  Nice.  Funny how that works.  I try to pick the fastest lane and end up in the slowest. 

By the time I paid for my groceries, I saw I had just under 30 minutes to get home.  I got the groceries loaded, handed Kelly a Lunchable and told her to start eating.  She had to be done by the time we made it home. 

Turns out we made it home with 13 minutes to spare, so I ran as many groceries in the house as possible, and put the perishables in the fridge.  Then I hopped back in the car, just as a neighbor was walking his son past our house and down to the bus stop.

I hopped in my car and drove down, simply because I could keep the baby and Madison contained in the car (so much easier) and then helped Kelly out and waited.  We had about 2 minutes before the bus was supposed to show up.  I stood there and talked to the dad, and we both noticed the bus was later than usual. 

We waited, and waited.  “What time does school start?”  He asked. 

“1:20,”  I answered.

Neither of us ever remember the bus showing up so late.  We waited about 10 minutes longer before my neighbor said, “Well, if the bus doesn’t come in the next 5 minutes, I’m going to take my son to school.”  He offered to give Kelly a ride too.  Since my car was already sitting there, I offered to take the kids to school, but he decided that since I have two little ones, he’d just take them so I could get them home. 

Five minutes later he was walking back home to get his car, and when he got about 2 houses down, a bus started coming.  “Wait!  I shouted.”  “The bus is coming!”  It came.  And it went.  It didn’t even slow down. 

“Oops!” 

He kind of rolled his eyes and turned back around.  What is up with the bus not showing up?

Anyway, I stayed with his son and Kelly just in case the bus showed up while he was getting his van.  About 5 minutes later he was up at the curb.  He loaded up Kelly and his son and agreed to bring back her booster seat on his way home. 

I watched them drive off and then went home with the two little ones, still confused about the bus never showing up.  I lugged the baby carrier inside with my two year old in hand and pulled out my cell phone. 

I looked at the time.  12:07.  Wait.  That can NOT be right.  I turned my phone off and then back on.  12:08. 

NO!  It can’t be!  There is no way!  I ran into my kitchen and looked at the time on my microwave, then my oven.  Apparently, It could be!  The time showed at 12:08. 

Do you know what this meant?  This meant that both my neighbor and I showed up at the bus stop an hour early!

And I’d love to blame the man for throwing my off when I watched him walk by, but the entire time I was at the grocery store, I kept pulling my cell phone out of my pocket thinking I had to be at the bus stop at 11:48, not 12:48!  The funny thing is, he even asked me what time it was while we waited, and neither of us picked up on the fact that it was 11:48 and school started at 1:20!  Way too early to be at the bus stop!  It just didn’t register!

Since our power went out days before, we still didn’t have cable.  That meant no cable t.v., no cable telephone (which is a bad idea to have anyway in my opinion!) and also no internet!  That meant I couldn’t look up an old email that I thought might have this neighbor’s phone number in it.  There was no way to call him to tell him that we were both an hour early at the bus stop! 

I figured by the time he got to the school, he’d figure it out.  He’d either wait with the kids until they could be dropped off, or return them.  So I got busy putting up groceries.  10 minutes later and Kelly came running through the door, and he stood there with her booster. 

“Ugh…we were both an hour early.”  He told me what I already figured out.

“What are the odds we’d both show up early?”  I asked. 

I really don’t know why we both happened to get the time wrong on that one, but you know, it makes me feel SO GOOD that those kinds of things don’t just happen to me!

“See you in about 20 minutes!”  He said as he headed back for his van.  And I spent the next 20 minutes thinking that I could havehad time to get the last 3 things on my grocery list AND lunch at Chick-Fil-A!  Oh well.  At least we didn’t miss the bus!

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Bees Chasing And The Dog Woman

Whew!  Losing power last week has thrown me way off.  I have three blog posts in the back of my head I don’t want to forget to post, but I just haven’t had the time to get them written.  I haven’t even made a dent in my reads, and then there’s real life, where I am working on a church project and getting kids to their various sports and school events. 

Anyway, I just have to write about this: 

Yesterday I was at Kelly’s soccer practice.  I decided to make good use of my time and try to get my workout in, so I walked with America in her stroller for about 30 minutes before she started fussing.  I was so hoping to get in at least a 45 minute walk, but oh well.  She was hungry. 

So I walked back to the picnic tables under the pavilion right where Kelly’s practice was.  I left the stroller in the back because for some reason, the bees in that park just love that stroller.  I sat up towards the front and put on my nursing cover and started to nurse the baby.  Wouldn’t you know it?  Something, the bright flowery print on my cover, or the sweet smell of milk on the baby, just drew those bees to me. 

So there I was running, hungry baby in one arm (trying desperately to get her milk from me), nursing cover flailing about, as these bees (and there was more than one!) started chasing me around the pavilion!  I admit it’s a bit silly that I am afraid of something 10,000 times smaller than me, but I know my dad is allergic to stings and I didn’t want them anywhere near my baby! 

So this old lady sitting at the table across from me told me it was probably the bright flowers on my nursing cover.  I threw that thing off and tossed it on one of the tables away from me, while trying to keep my breast concealed.  I grabbed a baby blanket so I could keep covered, but those darn bees still came around!  So I’m running around the tables, trying to keep my exposed self from flopping out, while this woman is sitting there with her dog watching me.  (I’m sure she was quite amused!)  I finally started swatting at the bees with the blanket.  At that point I thought, Who cares who sees my boob, these bees are assaulting my baby and me!  I guess the bees got the message and they finally left us alone.

So I sat there and burped the baby as this lady with the dog started talking to me.  We talked about my baby, and her 4 month old grand baby.  My how her eyes lit up when she talked about her grandbaby!  It made me think of my mother.  Then she talked about how she just loves the 2 year old stage…and again, I thought of my mom.  I know my mom must have that same look in her eyes when she talks about her grandchildren.  And then we talked about her dog and how easy going and laid back her dog is.

Then out of nowhere, this little boy comes running up to the pavilion…

“Can I pet i………?!?!?!”

“NO!”  She shouted before he could even finish his question. 

I turned my head in surprise.  Her answer was quick and harsh.  She didn’t even let him finish his question.  I watched as he quickly turned around and ran off.  I think she must have scared him.  The woman looked at me and I could still see the hateful fire in her eyes.  How could those eyes that lit up so brightly look so dark and hate-filled now?  And it hit me.  She didn’t want that little black boy anywhere near her or that dog.

I guess I’m still a bit naive.  It still takes me by surprise, to see how people treat each other.  It makes me sad.  Even if she didn’t want the boy around her dog, she simply could have said, “Not right now.”  It wasn’t the no that revealed her prejudice attitude towards the boy.  It was the tone, the harshness, the look in her eyes.  I felt so bad for the boy, that even in this day and time, he is experiencing that kind of treatment. 

Neither one of us talked after that.  Honestly, I didn’t know what to say, other than, “What do you have against the kid?”  And I knew better than to ask.  I was afraid she’d either spew her hate-filled thoughts about the boy and his race right there in front of the other parents and kids, or she would lie to my face.  Neither seemed like a good response to ask for!

It was very uncomfortably silent for about 10 minutes before she talked to her dog.  “Well, I suppose it’s cooled off enough…let’s go for a walk.”  And with that, she was off.

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UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

That’s the sound that has been uttered a LOT in my house this week.  Mostly by my now 2-year-old daughter, but she had to pick it up from someone, right?  This week our house has been filled with snotty noses, messy sneezes, and sleepless nights due to non-stop coughing and sore throats.  It hit Madison and Kelly first.  They got a fever Monday morning.  Then Joshua got it, only no fever.  And as of yesterday, Scott, America, and I are feeling sick.  Just in time for the weekend!

Add in all the soccer games & practices, doctor’s appointments, Cub Scout meetings, school, chores, work, homework, and craziness that never seems to end, and yes, there’s a lot of “uuuugggggghhhhhhhhs!”  being uttered in the house! 

So I couldn’t help but think that it isn’t even officially Fall yet and we are already getting sick.  “Pleeeeeease God, not another winter like the last!”  I moaned inwardly.  I just don’t know if I can take it.  I keep hoping this winter will be different, but I have four kids in school, and they just don’t care or think about germs and prevention like their Mama does! 

It seems that I’m living a period in my life where God is weeding out the selfishness in me.  I can’t help but feel this week that even with the sickness, God is dealing with me – using the tiredness/weakness as a tool to deal with me – on some of the issues I would like to ignore.  It’s so hard to be nice when you aren’t feeling well!  But as the kids do little thinks that just irk me to no end, I hear this gentle, still voice in my head saying, “Just let it go…” 

Like yesterday when Dwight left a note by the dishwasher.  “Sorry – Early Bus.”  I have to admit, I was slightly annoyed, and yet a bit amused.  It’s his chore in the morning to unload the dishwasher.  I figure since he’s the first one up, if he unloads it, I can easily keep the kitchen clean by loading the dirty breakfast and lunch dishes in the washer.  But this morning, he somehow managed to find time to find a notepad, and scribble an explanation on why he was unable to do this chore, and still get on the bus  all the way down to the end of our street before it left!  Yeah, I didn’t know he could move that fast and still get down to the end of the street before his bus left!

So when he got home today, I wanted to interrogate him, to tell him how ridiculous it was for him to find the time to find a notepad, pencil, scribble a note, and place it on the counter, while the bus “waited.”  If it was so early, surely he should have been sprinting to the end of the street, in the dark, before the bus gave up and left.  But he explained his version of the story, and I heard that voice say, “Let it go…” 

So I simply said, “Okay.”  and let it go.  I wanted to explain to Dwight that his bus was not going to come that early, or tell him that he should have figured out it was the same “early bus” that came the day before…the one that turned out not to be his when he rushed out that day too.  That he should be able to figure these things out at 15…and maybe he should focus on just getting ready instead of watching for buses! 

And I’m starting to see that the time and energy I’m spending on nagging and interrogating and requiring my children to meet up to my standards is just draining me, and so not worth it!  (My husband has been telling me this for years, by the way, but I have a streak of stubbornness in me!)

So I’m learning to choose my battles, like with Patrick, who takes FOREVER to get ready for ANYTHING and everything!  Last year we battled with him on getting ready for school, and bed on time.  He actually spent 2 1/2 hours getting ready for school last year!  He’d do it in the evenings too!  I finally made him set a timer and required him to be ready within an hour, which worked for a while.  But the beginning of this year, he never met the deadline, even though I’d removed some morning chores from his checklist.  What can I say?  He’s stubborn.  But this week, I finally gave in.  “Patrick, you don’t have to set the timer anymore, just don’t miss your bus.  I really do wish you’d get ready in time for me to pray with you before you leave though.”

Oh, and of course, I did use my husband’s great idea and rearranged his morning to-do list.  I told him he has to do it in the order I put it in.  You know I put eating and changing clothes, brushing teeth and hair down last!  He’s too vain to go to school all stinky and disheveled looking! 

So he hasn’t missed his bus this week, but he has spent every morning leaving about 3 minutes later than he should, and has to run to the end of the street.  It’s kind of funny watching him walk out the door, laid back and cool like he is, and then as he looks up and sees all the kids waiting at the end of the street, he realizes the bus could show up at any minute, and so he makes an awkward run for it, backpack on his back, head down, short legs trying to keep up with his upper body.  Ahhhh, sometimes the natural consequences are far better than any sort of consequence I could come up with.  I’m getting entertainment out of this!  I can sit here and watch the same scene every morning!  And when that morning comes when the sidewalks are covered in snow or ice…yeah, you know I’ll be watching!

All this weeding and inward cleaning really isn’t fun.  I’m having to get my flesh in check, and I hate to admit I still fail way more than I succeed at it!  But I’m learning that it doesn’t have to all be painful.  Sometimes, especially as a parent, sitting back and letting God do His work can open up windows of opportunity to see things in a different light.  I’m learning to smile in the middle of those frustrating moments.  I think if I can learn to do this more often, I might just enjoy this stage in my life a little bit more!

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The Call

Friday night Dwight popped the question.  It was the question we figured he’d ask eventually, but of course, how can you ever be truly prepared for it when it happens?  “Can I call my grandma?”  He really wants to reconnect with the family he left behind when he was four years old.  Of course, he asked me first, so I naturally told him he had to ask his dad.  I figured by the time his dad got home from work, he’d forget.  He didn’t.  I guess this time, it really was important for him to do this.

So, Scott and I talked about it, and agreed that he is old enough to pursue these relationships and deal with anything that may come out of it – including the possibility that his biological mom may try to pursue a relationship with him too. 

To my surprise, Scott got online right away and did a people search with the intent of locating Dwight’s grandma.  What?!?  Right now?  Don’t we get a day or two to prepare ourselves for this?  Or would waiting just bring on bouts of anxiety, wondering what is going to happen when he makes that call?  Of course, my husband is a smart man, and full of wisdom, so instead of calling Dwight’s grandma right away, he called Dwight’s aunt.  We both agreed it would be best if Scott talked to them first, so that he could explain some things to them about Dwight (since Dwight isn’t the best with communication) – He got the ball rolling so to speak.

So Dwight’s aunt, I’ll call her, Ashley, wasn’t home.  Scott left a message and asked her to call back.  It was done.  She officially had our contact info and there was no turning back.  She could easily pass this information on to Dwight’s mom if she wanted, giving Dwight’s mom the means to track us down, to take us to court, to fight for custody.  It could be hell, even if Dwight is now old enough to decide were he wants to live.  Just the emotional toll of fighting – protecting Dwight could feel like too much!  But Dwight is becoming a man, and we know that he is old enough to make this decision.

Scott was okay leaving the message though, he trusted Ashley and so did I.  When I was about 12 years old, I met this girl, never realizing that some day, we’d be connected the way we are today.  She and I were both training for our paper routes, and for the first week, we went on our routes together – she accompanied me on my route, and I on hers.  We lived just a couple streets apart, and we enjoyed our chats during those early morning deliveries.  She really was a sweet girl, she seemed to have it together.  Little did I know that Scott would date her older sister, and father a child with her, who would one day become my son!  It’s a small world!

We sat on the couch after he hung up.  We convinced Dwight to go to bed.  It was late, and we promised if she called at a decent time, we’d get him up to talk.  While we waited, Scott and I talked.  We were both nervous and a bit stressed.  Who knows where all this will take us?  But this is Dwight’s family, and he is feeling a need to reconnect with them.  Not necessarily his mom, who he swore before going to bed he would never call her, “Mom.”  It was almost like he wanted me to feel secure in this, like he was pledging his loyalty to me. 

“You will always be my mom,” he told me.

And I reassured him that I did not feel threatened or jealous in any way.  “Dwight, if you DO decide to call her mom, I’m okay with that too, okay?  I mean it!  You will always be my son, but if you get the opportunity to establish a relationship with her, then I don’t want you to feel guilty about that!”  And the truth is, I didn’t feel jealous or threatened in any way.  Amazing.  I really thought I would!  But there was peace in my heart.  We were doing the right thing. 

Scott and I wondered if he called the right Ashley.  Who knows how accurate those online searches are?  Would she call back?  Would she be excited about us contacting her?  It didn’t take long to find out.  Dwight hadn’t been up in his room for long, and the phone rang.  We knew it was Ashley before Scott even answered.  Scott talked to her for a bit, and then got Dwight.  Then Dwight talked to his aunt for a good while.  He was in Heaven!  We finally had to make Dwight get off.  We could hear his end of the conversation, and could tell she was gently trying to get off the phone, but if you know Dwight, he doesn’t take subtle cues very well! 

Dwight thanked us over and over for letting him call.  He was eager to connect with his grandmother, but she is in Korea visiting family.  Ashley promised Dwight she’d pass on the information as soon as she got back. 

When Dwight went to bed, Scott and I were able to talk some more.  Dwight’s mom still isn’t where we were hoping she’d be today.  Ashley said she’s still pretty messed up…  But Dwight does have two siblings he didn’t know about – a sister and a brother. 

I don’t know how things are going to go when his grandmother returns from Korea, but I hope that she will consider Dwight’s emotional stability in all of this.  I can see as a mom it would be easy to call your daughter and say, “Call your son and talk to him!”  But Dwight really doesn’t want to connect with her.  He wants to connect with his grandmother and aunt, and maybe even his uncles! 

I guess it will all come together soon enough.  In the meantime, Dwight feels good about getting reconnected with his aunt.  I think it will be good for him to get to know her, and hopefully, things will go well with his grandmother too!  I’m sure he has so many questions to ask, especially about his family in Korea!

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So Much Going On

But I have no time. 

Kelly started school!

Madison had her 2nd birthday yesterday, oh, and it definitely appears that the laser treatment did some good on her birthmark!   

Dwight asked to call his grandmother – the one he hasn’t seen since we got custody of him 11 years ago. 

It’s been a roller-coaster ride the last week, but good things are happening!  I’ll post details soon!

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The Death of Me

THIS:

 is going to drive me to some seriously heavy drinking! 

It’s already started again with Dwight.  If you’ve read the stories from last year, you know what I’m talking about.  Remember track?  Remember how he’d get the time wrong and I would sit in the parking lot with three kids waiting for what seemed like an eternity for him to come out?  I didn’t blog the half of it!  Those miscommunications happened way too often! 

And yesterday when he didn’t come home the usual time, I started to wonder if his bus was late.  Then I got a phone call on my cell.  I didn’t recognize the number, so I ignored it.  Then they called again.  I decided to check my voicemail.  As I was checking my messages, this same person called again, so I answered it.

“ummm…Mom?  Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble…”  It was Dwight.  I couldn’t hear a word he was saying so I put him on speaker.  It was even harder to hear him on speaker.  His voice was amplified but he still didn’t make sense.  So I tried to switch back, only my voice mail started beeping in on the other line (don’t know why it does that!) and when I tried to take him off speaker, I accidentally hung up on him.  So, I waited for him to call back.  Only he didn’t. 

Fortunately, I have a brain and figured that he needed a ride home.  So I started to get the kids rounded up and ready – change diapers, wake up the baby and put her in her car seat, get shoes on, grab the diaper bag…might as well grab Scott’s shirts and pants that need to be dry cleaned and stop by on the way home…

And then I called that unfamiliar number just to be sure.  It was some other guy.  “I THINK Dwight needs a ride home.”  He said.

“You think?”  I asked. 

“Yeah, I think.” 

“Okay, thanks.” 

So I loaded the three girls up and headed towards the high school.  The closer I got to the school, the angrier I got.  I’d tried calling Dwight’s cell, but he didn’t answer that.  What is the point?  Do you know how many times we’ve had to say, “Dwight, take your cell phone with you!” 

I pull up to the school, trying to convince myself that I need to be calm about this, even though we’ve gone through this a hundred times and he still does not get it.  And then it hit me, we are going to go through this a hundred more times…and then a hundred more.  This little voice in my head said, “You are going to spend the rest of your life dealing with these situations with Dwight, so you might as well Accept it!” 

And I realized that voice in my head was telling me the truth.  Dwight is always going to pull these little annoying stunts, and it’s not his fault.  And of course, when he got in the car, I found out why he missed his bus.  He tried to attend a multi-cultural club meeting, only he got the wrong day.  It’s the SECOND Wednesday of every month.  He didn’t bother to check which Wednesday it was when he decided to stay after school. 

“and Dwight???”  I asked, “How did you expect to get home after the meeting?  You certainly didn’t tell me you were staying after school was out.  There are no buses to take you home after the meeting.  So how did you expect to get home?” 

“Oh…well, I forgot to tell you about it last night.” 

So I guess he just decided to wing it!  And the cell phone?  He “forgot it.”

So this morning, when he was pounding on the door violently, I rolled out of bed and groaned.  I looked at the clock and it was 6:44.  I knew already that he missed his bus, even though I told him yesterday on the way home from school that he probably needed to leave earlier since he had to run to catch it that morning.

“The bus must have come really early!”  He insisted.  “I left at the same time I did yesterday!”

(Forget that no other kids were left stranded at the end of the street!).

So even though I knew the bus already made it’s appearance, I told him to go wait just in case the bus didn’t come yet.  I wasn’t ready to deal with him.  I then went back to my room to brush my hair and wake up the baby (GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!).  I buckled her up, and then I got Madison dressed, trying to keep her quiet while the other kids tried to get back to sleep.  I grabbed the baby, who was snuggled into her car seat, the diaper bag, my cup of coffee, and Madison and headed out the door.  After buckling them in, I headed to the end of the street.

“Thank you!”  Dwight started.

“I don’t feel like talking!”  I warned.

And then I started talking…or, ummmmm…yelling. 

“Where is your cell?”  (I decided to only bring it when I need it).

“Why didn’t you leave earlier like I told you to?”

“If you left on time, where are all the other kids who were abandoned by the bus?”

And I went on and on and on…nagging, complaining, chewing him out.  I pulled up in front of the school right at 7:15 which is when his first class started.  Truthfully, I was somewhat glad he wasn’t going to make it to his class on time.  “Maybe he’ll learn his lesson,” I thought.

But as the day wore on, it hit me.  When we had friends over last weekend, a friend was talking about our daughter, Kelly, saying, “She’s going to be the death of you!”  But this morning, those words were ringing in my head, only I was thinking about Dwight.  And that’s when God spoke to my heart.

He created me to serve.  I am a servant, and when the opportunity arises for me to be there for my oldest son, what do I do?  I gripe and complain.  “He’s going to be the death of you…”  It rang in my heart, and again, I knew the voice was speaking truth.  Only this kind of death is the sort of death I know I should welcome, because this death we are talking about is the death of my flesh. 

All day long, I was upset about the fact that he didn’t follow my advice and leave early enough to catch his bus.  When I got home this afternoon, I found a message on my answering machine…”Ummmmmmm…Mom?  This is Dwight.  I forgot my lunch in the fridge, and I was wondering…well, I was wondering if you could come bring it by school today because I left it at home…” 

It started again…the anger, the frustration…this IS WHY HE HAS A CHECKLIST!  I looked at the clock.  No doubt, lunch time was over, it was after 1:00.

But deep inside, I also had to laugh.  The last 24 hours with Dwight have just been crazy!  Does he really think I’m going to load up the three girls to bring his lunchbox to school when he can just buy lunch?   What are the odds???

By this evening, I was in tears.  Yes I was frustrated, but there was more to the tears I cried as I spoke to my husband.  “It’s not his fault.”  I said.  “He basically has special needs.  It’s just always going to be this way.”  I guess the last 24 hours have forced me to really accept this fact as I thought about how he must feel.  This has to be just as frustrating for him as it is for me!  I need to stop yelling and complaining when he needs extra help. 

So as much as I hate those words, they keep playing over and over in my head.  Dwight will be the death of me, but it’s a good death.  My flesh, my frustration, my resentment – it needs to die, so that I can be a better mom to this boy who is trying so hard to grow into a man.  I love him so much, and I know that if I truly do love him, I do need to lay down my life so that I can be there for him.  He needs me, and I should be thankful that God chose me to be the one to be there for him…even if it’s when he needs a ride home, or to school, or if he needs me to bring him his lunch.  Love suffers long, and is kind…

I’ll probably be suffering a long, long time, but if I can manage to do it with kindness, then I know that God has truly done His work in me.  So let Dwight be the death of me, because in that death, a new life will bloom, and I will be a better person, a better servant because of it.  I’m beginning to think that Dwight is one of the best things that ever happened to me.

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