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Archive for November, 2008

Last Friday With Dwight

So last Friday was the day that changed our world.  Scott and I were so excited because he by 5:00 that evening, he was starting a much needed vacation.  Since his brother was flying in the next night for a two week visit, Scott and I knew that that night was “our” night together.  I was really looking forward to getting the kids to bed so we could watch a movie or hang out, just Scott and me.

But things didn’t work out as planned.  You know that little prank I played on Dwight with the cookie dough?  Well, that’s how things got started.  Scott and I agreed that since there were only four pieces left, we’d just tell him we knew he was getting into them and to just finish them off.  So after the kids ate dinner, we told them they could have some of their Hallowee candy for dessert and Dwight could have the cookie dough. 

He got this look on his face, you know, the one that says, “crap!  They know!”  But he still tried to play it off.  “I’ll get worms…”  He said. 

“Dwight, you ALREADY ate the dough, puhhhhhlease!  Just go get it.”

It was all long and drawn out, but I’ll spare you the entire conversation.  He marched off to get the cookie dough, only he didn’t go get the dough from the freezer in the house.  No.  Dwight went to the garage and pulled out a different box of cookie dough.  In this box, he apparently poked a hole in the back of the bag and pulled out however many cookie pieces he wanted, then flipped the bag over to hide that he was getting into it.  He figured we would have never known because of the zip lock seal that hadn’t been opened yet.

I was so surprised.  So we confronted him about the lengths he’ll go to to hide what he is doing, and instead of getting the point, we ended up getting drawn into this arguement about how I “didn’t believe him” when he said he wasn’t getting into the cookie dough in the other freezer.  Even when we emphasized that whether or not I believed him didn’t matter, we didn’t even care about the cookie dough, it was his actions we were concerned about, he still did not get it.  So finally, Scott told him to just go to his room.

So Dwight marches upstairs and then Scott and I started arguing on how we should handle him.  I had to cool off, so I went upstairs to think/clean (I always start cleaning when I’m fuming) and next thing I know, Scott is blowing up at Dwight. 

I realized that once again, we are letting Dwight take over our night (this happens at least once a week), so I decided to go downstairs and tell Scott that we needed to just take a time out and pray together.  But when I went down there, Scott was so mad, his face was red.  He refused to leave Dwight alone.  I still had no idea what was going on, but he ended up grabbing Dwight’s hand and pulling him upstairs with us.  Then he had him come in our room and tell me what happened. 

Apparently when he was sent to his room, he saw his brother, Patrick “smirking” at him, so he looked at him and said, “This will all be your fault.”  Then he got on his bed and started writing a suicide statement.

Dwight is terrible at reading people and Patrick may have been smirking, but probably was not.  Regardless, Patrick was certainly alarmed and went right downstairs to tell Scott what Dwight told him. 

And when Scott and Dwight were in my room telling me what happened, I cried.  “Dwight, how could you say that to him?”  I was so upset.  I know Dwight obviously has issues, but for him to tell Patrick it would be all his fault after he’s already lost a brother to a violent death…what he said was just evil.  How could he put that on Patrick? 

Then Scott should me the little statement he was writing out.  I say statement because it wasn’t a letter addressed to anyone, and he’d only gotten about two sentences into it.  But the last sentence said, “I’ll probably be dead by the time…”  and that was when Scott ripped it out of his hands.

So I called my mom to ask her what to do.  She told me that we shouldn’t take any chances, so Scott called our insurance company and ended up taking Dwight to the nearest Children’s Hospital to be evaluated.  We didn’t know if he was going to come home or not. 

But the psychiatrist who saw him decided that although he definitely needs help, he would be okay to go home that night.  She told us to get him in to a psychiatrist as soon as we could. 

So that was our Friday night together.  After that, I spent several days depressed and angry and miserable.  Scott and I have gotten into a couple arguments over him and things have been tense.  Some days I just feeel like I’m walking on egg shells with him.  It’s like, I have to be careful what I do or say or he may threaten to kill himself again.  Do I think he will follow through?  At this point, No. 

Do I think he is using this to try to manipulate us at times?  Definitely.

Do I think if we don’t get him the help he needs we’ll regret it?  Absolutely. 

I swear, I love Dwight so much, but that kid takes more from me (and Scott) and our entire family, than all the other kids combined.  I’m not exaggerating.  I really truly hope that all this time and energy and counseling and therapy we are investing in him pays off one day.  I really want to see him thrive and succeed in life!

OH…and as far as the cookie dough is concerned.  We made him throw out the one he poked the hole in…and my brother-in-law who flew in…yeah.  He took a nice big bite out of the one with chili powder in it!  It was SO funny!

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Thank you all for your prayers.  I truly appreciate them!

I’ve spent the last couple of days fighting a bout of depression myself.  I mean, how do you not feel like a failure of a mom when your own kid is so miserable they want to die? 

I was telling a friend tonight that I have all these rational and irriational thoughts running through my head.  Anger and resentment – because Dwight makes life so, SO hard.  If he’d just straighten up his act, we could actually enjoy being a family!

Then reality reminds me that he is needing help here.  It’s not his fault.  He’s hurting and having a hard time with life right now. (Even if he does truly have a good life, what point of comparion does he really have?  Only his own!)

It’s just funny how Scott keeps telling me things are going to get easier, and then life throws a sucker punch.  I want to punch back…I’m just trying to figure out how!

And honestly, I didn’t feel like I really had time to deal with the situation, or even remove myself from it.  It all happened Friday night, We had to get ready for a gathering Saturday, then Scott picked up his brother that night.  They were up late last night and I took on toddler/baby duty because they kept waking up every time they heard the guys laughing or talking loudly.

Needless to say, I was an emotional wreck last night.  I cried, and cried, and cried.  I was awake late…even after Scott finally came to bed.  Then I got up and got the kids ready for school after a few hours of miserable sleep. 

But the afternoon got better.  I got in a much needed nap and then Scott took me out for coffee while his brother watched the kids.  I needed that 1 hour escape.    I came back a new person.  Not only did I feel like my husband was taking me away from all the chaos (and reality) and giving me some much needed attention, but I was able to just enjoy the peace and quiet.  The kids can be so demanding, (especially Dwight at this point!), and with all the drama and instability, Scott and I have been more stressed and arguing about how to handle things.  I felt like the episode with Dwight stole our one night of alone time before Scott’s brother came in, and when his brother came, Scott began devoting his time to his brother.  I on the other hand, was getting more irritated that Scott was taking vacation while I felt like I was given a double shift!

But I’m thankful I have a husband who doesn’t act oblivious to what’s going on around him.  He knew I was having a hard time, and he reached out to me.  I don’t think he realizes how much I needed that, or how much it meant to me.  When he does that, it just shows me how good I have it.

My mom sent me an email tonight, telling me she’s glad we got away and saying that she thinks it’s important we make a point to get time to spend together, especially with all of this going on.  I think she’s right. 

In the meantime, I have Thanksgiving to look forward to.  Dwight is okay for now.  (I’ll blog more on that later), and we ARE (I am determined) going to have a great time this week!

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It’s a long story…

and I have gone back and forth on whether or not to post anything on this, but I feel like perhaps sharing our experience on my blog will one day help someone else (I hope).  

I don’t have the energy to get into all the details right now, but please pray for us if you think about it.  Dwight threatened to commit suicide last night.  It was a very dramatic and emotional night, leading Scott to load him up in the car and take him to the children’s hospital by our house. 

They evaluated him and sent him home with the instructions to get him in to a psychiatrist Monday. 

I’ll post more later, but right now, like I said, I’m just emotionally and physically drained!

By the way, if you are a friend on Facebook, please don’t post any comments on there about this situation!  Thanks!

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Determination

You know those motivational posters providing a picture and definition for motivational words such as the one in the title? 

Here’s a mental picture for you:

Lock on the pantry door.

Teenage son so obsessed with sugar that he’s taken to eating handfuls of gummy vitamins in order to get his sugar fix.

Vitamins are now locked up too.

So what does he do?  Are you ready for this?

Picture my 15 year old son leaning over the bottom freezer drawer in the kitchen…stuffing frozen cookie dough in his mouth. 

Yes, I will never be able to say he isn’t determined.

But so am I.  I took the last few cookie dough pieces out and let them thaw.  Then I poured various “ingredients in the middle and covered them up.   Garlic Salt, Hot Red Pepper Powder, Garlic Tobasco!  Yum!  Then I put them back in.  The beauty of it all is he won’t be able to talk about it without giving himself away. 

Call me cruel, but I just love finding opportunities to prank my kids!

In the meantime, we started counseling yesterday.  He seems to be obsessed with anything “forbidden.”  She asked me if I’ve tried “giving him his own sugar free candy.”  I let her know that we’ve not only done that, but I’ve given him his own bag of REAL candy.  We’re not strict parent freaks trying to control him.  He ate his gallon-sized bag of candy in 3 days then started taking his siblings’ Halloween candy.  He’s also stolen my (and Scott’s) loose change to take to school to buy sweets.  That obviously wasn’t enough sugar so he decided to eat the gummy vitamins.  And now, the cookie dough. 

His counselor suggested he may have Asperger’s.  I looked up the symptoms online and he definitely seems to fit the definition.  Can’t help but think of the guy on Boston Legal.  It’s easier to laugh when it’s on t.v.!!!

It’s gonna be a crazy ride…but I have hope.

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Life has been rough the last year.  Real rough.  I’m not even going to pretend it has been easy!  Life with Dwight has been SO HARD.   He has really been struggling and there are days I think that he’s pushed me past my limits.  Maybe that’s why I finally got him enrolled in some counseling!

I’ve heard the expression that “God will not allow you to go through more than you can handle.”  But I have to respectfully disagree.  If God didn’t allow us to go through more than we could handle, why would we need Him?  I have been going through more than I could handle without Him…but because of Him, I am making it through, and I’m growing, and I am learning about new areas I need to completely rely on and trust and seek after Him.  I am at a point in my life where I can no longer be independent.  I NEED GOD.

And even though it is hard, it is such a liberating feeling to understand this and accept it!  I need Him!  Maybe it’s because I know that He will not let me down.  At the same time, it’s so humbling. 

I have just really been going through something the last couple of days that has humbled me.  Knowing how much I need God, knowing that we are going through some hard times right now, yet at the same time, God has continued to pour His blessings on me.  I’m honestly overwhelmed.  Here I have this teenage son who has so many issues and requires so much more than even the average teen, and it is so draining.  Most days I feel like I am giving, and giving, and giving!  I told my mom that he takes up about 85% of my energy and 50% of my free time.  Probably a slight exaggeration!  But the truth is, without him, life would just feel a bit empty. 

And then I look at each of my children.  They all require something of me, but they also bring something special to this family.  They are all different, but they all test me and suck me dry nearly every single day.  But I am so blessed.  Never in a million years would I have imagined I’d be living the life I have now.  I get to be the mom of Dwight, Patrick, Joshua, Kelly, Madison, and America!  Not only that, but I never thought I could have a husband who really gets it – who still treats me like a queen and tells me the things I need to hear on a daily basis.  After 11 years, he still makes me feel special – unique, like I’m THE ONE AND ONLY. 

Yes, things are hard.  There are moments I lose it and I want to pull my hair out, but WOW.  I am just so blessed to be the one who gets to live this life, to be the mother of these awesome kids and the wife to this amazing man.

I may be giving a lot lately, but God is giving so much more.  I am so thankful!

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Mom, this book is an easy read!  Can I borrow your Twilight book?

Maddison wore this outfit for her 6 month pics.  America is wearing it at 4 months!

I love this outfit!  I was able to put it on her on one of those rare warm days in November here in Ohio.  She’ll probably never get to wear it again now that it is cold enough to start snowing!

Like my new set up?  I am learning a lot about portion control with this Nutrisystem plan!  I decided to start portioning out the kids’ snacks into snack bags so I can teach them something about portion control and healthy choices too!  I let them choose one snack bag in the pantry a day.  Then their other snack has to be a fruit, veggie, and/or cheese/dairy product!

Another view.  Mini rice cakes, cheeze its, raisins, preztels, Pringles stix, and goldfish crackers.

Kelly with her snack bag.

Madison with her snack bag.  Raisins!  Raisins!  I want raisins!

Isn’t she so cute?

My little cuddle bug.  Look at those long toes!  She gets them from me. 🙂

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get ready.  This is the kind of stuff they’ll do!Door

See how the door is sticking out more on top than on bottom?  That’s because Dwight and Patrick pulled the door off its hinges.  Yup.  Dwight thought it would be funny to shut the laundry room door on Patrick while he was in there, so Patrick tried to get out. 

Best of all, they did this on Scott’s birthday!  Happy Birthday, Dad!

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