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Archive for November, 2009

Here We Go Again!

It was just another ordinary, beautiful Wednesday.  I wanted to be lazy.  But after arguing with myself for about an hour or so, I got my lazy butt off the couch and got myself and the two littlest ones ready to go to the gym.  I made myself go on my easy 3 mile run.  It’s funny how a three mile run is now considered an easy run for me now!

After that, I picked up the girls from the childcare, and just as I was heading out of the gym, I noticed there was a new issue of the free Peekaboo magazine sitting on the rack.  I stood there for a minute, trying to decide if I should pick one up.  I enjoy skimming through it and finding local stores, ads, and stories of interest.  I am after all, trying to get more familiar with the area!

But do I really need one more magazine to take up counter space in my kitchen?  Again, I was arguing with myself in my head.  Oh, just take one!  And I did.  I tossed the magazine in the diaper bag and headed for the car.  I buckled in both girls and then grabbed the magazine for a quick glimpse.  That’s when I came across an adoption story.  I sat there with the car running, reading away as the girls waited patiently for me to drive them home.  I flipped through the pages, thinking of our own adoption story, when I came across another one.  I started to read it, then stopped as the baby started fussing.  I have to get these girls home!

I quickly flipped through the booklet again as I consoled the baby.  “Okay, America.  We’re going, we’re going!”

But I was still flipping through the pages.  It appears that this month’s issue is dedicated to adoption.  And just as I was about to put the booklet down (for real this time!) so I could start driving, there was Chuck smiling straight at me.  Chuck is a 13 year old boy looking for a forever home.  He sat there on that page, as if he were waiting for me to give him the okay to move on in.

That’s when I remembered my dream from a few weeks ago where Scott and I adopted two older children…both boys who were either young teens or preteens.  I suddenly felt the strongest urge to pray for Chuck…and maybe consider opening my home to another child.  “Okay,” I thought.  “This is just insane.”  I started the drive home.  But the insanity didn’t stop as the thoughts spinned through my head for the entire 7 minute ride in the car.  I got home and as soon as I could, I pulled up my laptop and typed in the website with Chuck’s information on it.  There, along with his picture and little tidbits of information on him, were about 10 other children’s stories.  Some had pictures, some didn’t.

I read them and teared up.  I want them all!  But of course, that isn’t possible.  Regardless, I just felt like God wanted me to do something.

I ended up calling one of my best friends and told her about Chuck and what I thought God was saying to me.  Then as I was talking to her, Scott called.  He wasn’t feeling well and was coming home.

“God, are you wanting me to talk to him?”  I prayed.  “I couldn’t possibly approach my husband about…adopting! Again!  We have SIX kids!”

That’s when the butterflies, which were already there, began to flutter even harder.  Okay…I’ll just wait until he gets home then.

About 20 minutes later Scott was home.  I made him some grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.  As he sat at the table and ate, I showed him Chuck.  “I really feel like the Lord wants us to be praying for him.”  I told him.  Then I said, “When I read his interview, he just reminded me of you as a kid…and of Patrick.”

I watched him as a half smile slipped upward while I showed him the little interview they did on Chuck.  Then I grabbed my laptop and read him some other stories.  “Here’s Christian.  He’s nine.  He says if he has three wishes, he wants to be rich, to be an animal cop, and fun to be around.   His favorite holiday’s are Christmas, because he can worship Jesus, Halloween because he can scare people, and trick or treat, and Easter–celebrating Jesus’ resurrection.”

We laughed at some of the cute things these kids said.  “You knoooooooow,” I started, “I know of a great Christmas present that would make our kids happy and one of these kids happy too…”

And to my surprise, my wonderful, God-loving husband said, “Well, go ahead and give them a call.”

Really?  Oh.  Okay.  I wasn’t expecting that.  What I was expecting was for this man to reason with me.  I was expecting a logical explanation, a reason why we couldn’t do this.

But I did.  I called up the lady listed as the point of contact in the magazine, and left her a message.  Then I got online and emailed her.

Then I took the girls upstairs and got them down for a nap.  Only I accidentally fell asleep myself.  I woke up snuggled up with the girls and snuck out of bed.  My first thoughts went straight back to these kids.  “What was I thinking?  Am I crazy?  Adopt more kids???  No, I must have had a temporary moment of insanity.  This isn’t happening.”

I went downstairs and checked on my husband, who was sleeping on the couch.  He woke up a little bit later and said, “You know, this feels right.  I prayed about it some while you were upstairs, and I really feel like this is what we are supposed to be doing.”

I am convinced that if Scott had not come home when he did, I would have convinced myself that this was not meant to be – that I’d just had one of those crazy moments!  I would have fallen asleep, woken up and had those same thoughts, and then not said a word to my husband.

So maybe this temporary moment of insanity was meant to be.  I guess we’ll find out soon enough!  Two days ago I made the initial call.  I ended up being referred to another social worker.  I talked to her yesterday and she told me that she was holding an Inquiry meeting at 6 p.m.  “I know it’s short notice, but if you can make it, you can start the process from there.”

So I went…and ended up going home with a manilla folder full of forms and questions that I am once again filling out.  We may start this process and find out that for some reason or another we don’t qualify to adopt at this point, but I will be very surprised if that happens!

Oh boy…here we go again!   Now the big question is…how to tell the kids?

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The Path

Sometimes I just stand in awe of how quickly life can change.  I don’t really know what to say at this point.  After my last post, when I felt that God was reaching out to me, letting me know that He was there and He was going to provide all of my needs, I was genuinely surprised by the outpouring of events that continued to let me know that He is in the middle of everything.  It’s very humbling, to say the least, when you sit there and whine and complain about your circumstances, and God just waits patiently for you to finish, then speaks to your heart…then moves.

And move He did.  I wish I would have written this post earlier while things were still fresh, but  I’ll try to share just a little bit of what God is doing in my life.  The Saturday after my last post, Scott and I planned on joining our small group to attend a day of ministry at the Ray’s house.  If you are living in the Fayetteville area, you are probably aware that this amazing family lost their daughter/sister in a tragic accident on a day that was supposed to be filled with fun and excitement.  This family is a missionary family and love, love, LOVE the Lord with all their hearts.

I wasn’t able to make it to the house until about an hour and a half before everything was supposed to end, but when I got there I was just so humbled and blessed at what I saw.  Our group was working together, beautifying the Ray’s front and back yard.  They trimmed shrubs, cut down limbs, raked leaves, planted trees…you name it.  And even though there wasn’t a whole lot for me to do while I was there, I learned it was a pleasure and a privilege to serve this family who serves the Lord.  They were so down to earth, they were honest about their pain and loss, but the transparency didn’t stop there.  This family loves the Lord with all their heart.

While the grieved the loss of their daughter on earth, they also knew and rejoiced that she is with her Heavenly father.  At the same time, I watched in amazement as Patrick, my 13 year old son, let me know that he wanted to be there, to serve.  And he joyfully worked along with the others.  At the end of the day he said, “Mom, I don’t know why, but doing that just felt good.  It’s not the same when we do it at our house, but working at the Ray’s house felt good.  I want to do this again.”

It really convicted me.  Here I am complaining about my circumstances and this family is going through their own personal hell on earth, grieving the loss of their daughter, and still loving their God in the midst of it all.  It’s not to say that I haven’t loved God in the middle of all of this, but I did allow myself to get distracted and honestly, angry at God, when I should have kept my head in the game!  Then here is my son, learning and desiring to serve others.  He has such a compassionate heart.  That’s when I realized that I am not looking at this life on earth, or the people around me, through the eyes of God.  Like Patrick, I should desire and look for ways to serve others, to share God’s love, to try to comfort and be there for those who are hurting.

Sunday evening our small group met at our house and we discussed our experience from the day before.  Our meeting lasted longer than it has since we started our group and we really just opened up about our lesson topics, concerns, struggles, etc.  At the end of the meeting, one of the women approached me and asked, “Hey, do you want to get together and get lunch some time?”

“Yeah!”  I said.

That’s when she told me that she’s really been wanting to get to know me better.  Me?  Really?  Funny.  Didn’t I just complain about wanting someone to reach out to me?

Then another couple, whom Scott and I have talked about wanting to get together with, approached us that same night and asked, “Hey, would you two be interested in catching lunch together one Sunday?  We’d like to get to know you a little more.”

Then, two days later, another couple in our group sent me an email.  “I know this is short notice, but we have two extra tickets to this banquet on Thursday.  Do you and Scott want to join us?”

Okay, God…now you are just showing off!

So here I am in the middle of all of this learning, and being humbled and corrected, and at the same time, God is just blessing me with the desires of my heart.  It truly is amazing.  Once I was willing to shut up and listen, to let Him redirect me on the path He wants me to take, I was able to see that He loves me and really does want to give me the desires of my heart…the desires that line up with His desires.  I know He wants us to have Christian friends we can go to, talk to, grow with.  I know that He doesn’t want me to feel lonely.  But he also used that loneliness to get my attention.  After all, when there is no one else around you to talk to, it makes it a whole lot easier to realize that there is still someone there, just waiting for you to notice Him.

So God is doing a work in me, and I am so filled with joy right now.  He is such a patient and amazing God.  And as of yesterday, He has thrown another loop on our path that I am a little nervous about.  But that, my friends, is something I will have to share another time!  Until then, I pray this prayer for myself, and for you:

“Make me (us) walk along the path of Your commands, for that is where my happiness is found.”  Psalms 119:35

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