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Archive for the ‘Joshua’ Category

When Joshua was just a baby, I started going through a very trying time in regards to my faith.  I questioned whether God was real and as a result of that question, I fumbled through a hundred more questions that I could not answer.  The funny thing is, I never stopped to question whether or not Satan was real.  I’d survived some serious hardships as a child and teen, and I saw and experienced terrible things on a spiritual level.  Even though God brought me through all of that, I still had to stop and ask, “What if?”  What if all the things that have happened in my life happened by mere coincidence? 

I think a lot of it started after I had Joshua.  I was struggling with post-partum depression (even though I didn’t realize it at the time).  9/11 happened and that just sent me spiraling downward.  I remember looking at my 2 month old baby and wondered why I even brought him into this evil world. 

Joshua was a healthy baby, but as time progressed he started getting ear infections.  The doctor would prescribe him antibiotics and a couple months later I’d be back in the office.  By the time he was around 18 months old, the doctors decided he probably needed ear tubes. 

The thought of my baby having to go through any sort of surgery terrified me.  At that point, I’d decided God had to be real, but I still felt alone.  I remember praying and begging for God to heal my baby so he wouldn’t have to go through the surgery.  I claimed his healing and spoke in faith.  I believed that God was going to heal my baby. 

But when we took Joshua in for one final appointment to check on his ears, I was told that he wasn’t improving and they scheduled him in for surgery.  What was worse was my husband wasn’t even going to be able to be there when it happened.  I had to do this all by myself.  I remember talking to a Christian mentor, a woman I worked very closely with at our church in several ministries.  I cried and told her that I didn’t understand why God wouldn’t heal my son.  I had faith.  I believed.  I did everything I was supposed to do and yet here he was being scheduled for surgery.  I felt rejected and ignored.  It made me wonder again, if God was real.  If God was real, why wouldn’t he just heal my son?

I knew my son didn’t have a life-threatening illness, but to me, I felt like God should have healed him anyway.  I prayed, had faith, and claimed his healing.  Why didn’t it work?  Either God was ignoring me, or He wasn’t real.  That was my conclusion. 

So I took my son in and teared up as we got him on the operating table.  This precious little boy waved bye-bye as the doctors wheeled him away into the operating room.  I was thankful he went so willingly.  I walked the long way back to the waiting room and sat down.  Dwight was sitting next to me playing cheerfully on his game boy.  I looked at my book and ignored it.  Instead I closed my eyes and prayed for my son to be okay. 

It wasn’t 5 minutes later and the doctor walked into the room.  “We’re done.”  He said, and brought me into the recovery room where I gave my drowsy son apple juice and marveled at how fast the surgery really was.  The nurse kept an eye on him for about 45 minutes and then he was released.  Joshua didn’t suffer another ear infection again until he was 7 years old!  (He was prescribed antibiotics and has been fine since). 

Going through that whole ordeal, I realize now just how depressed I was.  It never occurred to me that I was suffering from post-partum depression until I was pregnant with Madison.  But even after I was finally able to pull myself out of my dramatic little pit of despair, I’ve still wondered why God didn’t just answer my prayers.  Why didn’t He heal Joshua so that he I didn’t have to go through the stress of that surgery?

Over the years, I have grown stronger in my faith, but I’ve still wondered why things happened the way they did.  I mean, I believed.  I had faith the size of a mustard seed.  That was all that was required of me, right?  

It hit me the other day when a friend asked for advice on how to help her little girl recover from an ear infection.  Suddenly I thought about all the families out there who couldn’t afford to take their kids to the doctor or who didn’t have health insurance to get their children the surgeries they needed.  Then that still, small voice whispered to my heart.  “You didn’t need the miracle, Melissa.  She did.”  

It still makes me want to cry when I think about it.  In the midst of my prayers, desperate pleading, demanding, and instruction on how I wanted things handled, My God provided for all my needs.  He always has.  And even when I thought He was ignoring my prayers, (rejecting me is how I truly saw it!),  He provided in a way different than I expected or even wanted.  I was too busy wallowing in doubt and depression that I didn’t even see it.  It’s amazing that it has taken so long for me to see the truth.  But isn’t it funny that I saw the truth once I took my eyes off myself?  No, there was no miraculous and instant healing, but He did provide for me and my son.   

And I have been truly humbled over the last week as God finally revealed a glimpse of himself to me.  Being the control freak that I am, it scares me to death to say this, but I suppose I should take a step back and let God be God.  He does a way better job of taking care of things than I ever could!

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Joshua came home from school Wednesday and said, “Mom?  I have lots of friends who bring their lunch to school, and their moms write them notes because they really miss them!”  He looked like he was about to tear up.  Enter mommy guilt!

“Joshua, do you want me to make your lunch for tomorrow?”  I asked. 

“Yes!”  He replied.

So I made his lunch that night and snuck in a little note letting him know how much I and the other girls miss him when he’s at school all day long.

He came home yesterday so touched.  “Mom, I got your note.”  He said. His eyes welled up with tears.  “Thanks!”

Later on though, he told me, “Mom, when you write me my 256th note, my friend will have 257, because his mom already wrote him two notes.” 

“Well, maybe I’ll write you a note on a day he doesn’t get one and then you’ll be even.”  I suggested, and that seemed to satisfy him.

But this morning when I made his lunch, I wrote him three notes that went something like this: 

Joshua, Here is your second note from me.  I love you!  Mom

Joshua, This is your third lunch note from me.  Are you surprised?  Love, Mom

Joshua, Is four notes enough for today?  I do miss you.  Aren’t you glad it’s the end of the week? I Love You! Mom

That should keep him happy for a while!

On another note, (no pun intended – okay, it was intended!) I have this problem with Dwight stealing anything we forbid him to have.  It must have something to do with his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder!  But anytime we buy something and tell him to keep out (like Halloween candy for example), he sneaks into it.  It can be very annoying.

So when I got my order of NutriSystem food yesterday, I started organizing it and told Scott, “You know he’s going to get into this. He won’t be able to resist.  He’s going to steal our diet food, especially the desserts!”

Knowing this, I decided to have a little fun.  So I grabbed my post-it notes and wrote little messages on them, then strategically placed them in our organized food boxes.  The notes include little messages just to really, really drive him mad if he tries to steal the food!

For example:

The fact that you are trying to steal my food makes me think you may be a closet democrat.  (I love this one because he gets really worked up about politics!)

Or how about these:

Stop!  This food will make you lose weight and you’re already too skinny as it is!

Holy Cowpies, Batman!  I think Dwight likes NutriSystem food!  (He hates it when I talk about poo in any form!)

You must use the force to resist the temptation!

Yes, I admit, I’m having too much fun with this.  And the best part is, it’s going to drive him so mad when he finds these notes, and he won’t even be able to talk about it because then he’ll end up revealing that he was going through our food!  I love it!

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I can’t believe it has been a week since the baby was born!  I promise to get on the birth story soon!  But obviously it has been a crazy week, and today we celebrated Joshua’s 7th birthday. 

So today made for an emotional morning as I remembered where I was last week, giving birth to my daughter, and where I was 7 years ago, giving birth to my son.  Time flies way too fast, especially when you are trying your hardest to cherish and treasure every moment!

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Okay, Donna, here’s your post!  Sorry, I just keep forgetting to respond to how far along I am in my pregnancy!

We’re officially full term!  Now we just gotta wait til baby’s ready (and hopefully til my mom gets here next Saturday!).  Here’s a pic of me yesterday at 37 weeks.  No makeup or trying to look pretty in any way.  I was at Joshua’s baseball game and it was just too hot to apply and then sweat off makeup!  That and I’m outgrowing my clothes!

Here’s Joshua playing his favorite sport:

I think the coach in this pic is soooo hot.  I wonder if he’s married?  🙂

It’s nice having a big brother around to chase this little rascal.  She seems to think it’s okay to hang out with the baseball team!

Would have taken a picture of Dwight, but he was busy talking to another teen…who I’m sure would not have appreciated me taking pictures of the two of them talking.  And when I say Donavan was talking to this guy, I mean non-stop, won’t shut up talking.  I would have told him to give the guy a break, but then he would have just started talking to me!  🙂  So I enjoyed MY break!  I am a horrible person!

Kelly was busy making friends, as usual.

Oh, and Saturday, Scott’s friend came over to help put this up:

It’s supposed to be a swingset/playset.  Unfortunately, the weather didn’t cooperate much until the evening, and then they figured out they were missing a part, so now we are waiting for them to ship that out to us before we (Ha Ha, I said WE as if I’m helping build this thing!) can finish it!  I’m hoping we can get it up before the baby is born!  Then we can throw the kids outside to play! 

Oh, and Patrick is going in Tuesday (next Tuesday) to check up on him with his jerking movements (See post below).  I explained to the nurse what was going on with him and that was the soonest they could get him in with their pediatrician.  The longer we are with this particular practice, the less impressed I am.  Soooooooo, I’m hoping when they open the new hospital close to our house, we can switch over to the new pediatrics practice right next door.  We’ll see…

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Even though we spent about 5 hours driving home from Tennessee, yesterday was a wonderful Mother’s Day.  We were there visiting family over the weekend and planned on getting up, loading up the car, and going out to eat to celebrate before heading home. 

Scott said he wanted to get his sister over to the computer and send out an e-card to their stepmom before jumping in the shower, so I set out his clothes for him and waited a little bit.  30 minutes later, I decided maybe I should go ahead and finish packing everything I could.  An hour later, I asked my brother-in-law where my husband was.  He was upstairs talking to his sister.  ooooooooooooh.  Okay.  So I waited, hung out, wondering if they were conspiring to do something crazy, and they were up there, you know…for another hour.  Which was kind of funny really, because when they came downstairs and realized it was almost 1:00, they were both really surprised.  So I knew they had a great talk, because time only flies by that quickly when you are really bonding.  So I was okay with it all, even if it did mean I ended up eating Krystal’s for lunch as we drove on home. 

No really, I was feeling a little bit elated, because on the way home, my husband shared news of hope for our loved ones, and that just left me feeling happy.  Besides, my husband spoiled me in every other way over the weekend, including picking up donuts for breakfast while I was still in bed Sunday morning, so I really can’t complain!

I truly feel blessed to have such a wonderful husband who goes out of his way to celebrate me.  I guess you could say I especially feel lucky that God would give me a husband who doesn’t even necessarily wait for the holidays either.  He has always been good about surprising me and, to put it simply, just loving me with all his heart.  Sometimes I think about how much my husband loves me, how much he puts up with (I know I’m not easy to live with!) and how he is always telling me what I need to hear.  It kind of hit me the other day that maybe God gave me such a husband because I have such a hard time believing God could love me in the same way.

But anyway, I was very spoiled this Mother’s Day.  Scott sent me flowers before our trip and they are beautiful (I need to take pictures!) And then he came home and gave me an early Mother’s Day present Thursday night because he knew I’d want to use it on our trip to Tennessee over the weekend.  I got one of those DVD camcorders!   I’ve been wanting one for a while now and he happened to find a good deal (at Costco – I love Costco!) and then threatened me if I spent that much money on him for Father’s Day!  (Totally unfair if you ask me). 

I never expected him to spend all this money on me, and of course it didn’t end there.  He had the kids write out a chore they are willing to do and put together a coupon book.  (Madison offered to make Daddy give her a bath one night!  Yes!)

And then the kids brought in their stuff they made from school.  Kelly made me the cutest frame with her picture in it.  Patrick brought home a flower he made from tissue paper and a heart shaped card that said, “Happy Mother’s Day” on it, and Joshua made me the cutest card.  On the front, it spelled MOM with his picture in the O.  Cute, right?  But what really got me was what he wrote on the back.  My little kindergartener wrote this (and no, those aren’t typos):

the important thin about mom is…  She makes me yummy chicken  she loves me in i love mom

I had to fight the tears, because you know, it’s just so cute when they are so little and write little things from the heart like that.  If only we could keep it that simple as we grow up!

Inside the card, there was also this poem:

Sometimes I bring home things in my hands,
A picture that I'd like to share.
And as I watch your eyes light up,
I know you really care.
Sometimes I bring home things in my head.
A thought that I'd like to share.
And as you listen carefully,
I know you really care.
Sometimes I bring home things in my heart,
A feeling that I'd like to share.
And as you give me a gentle hug,
I know you really care.

Inside, Joshua drew a picture of the family at the dinner table.  Dinner together is probably one of my most cherished family moments and it obviously means a lot to him too!

So yesterday I went to bed feeling especially blessed.  I see God working in our lives, in the lives of those I love, and I feel loved.  All the material things I received are just bonuses, and there will always be wants that I don’t really need.  But as long as I’m surrounded by loved ones, really, that is the greatest gift God could give me.  What more could I really ask for? 

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I can’t believe it’s already here.  As of Monday (two days ago), I am officially in the third trimester.  When I figure out the weeks, I literally lose my breath for a second.  Especially when I factor in that I went into labor a week early with Madison.  If I did the same thing, that would mean that I have less than 12 weeks left! 

Kelly went to school on Monday and told her teacher she got to feel the baby kick.  I’m glad her teacher shared that with me because Kelly didn’t really seem to respond when it happened.  She acted like it was no big deal and I wasn’t sure if she was really even feeling it because she was talking the entire time.  Of course, I could have done without knowing that Kelly asked her teacher if she had a baby in her tummy too.  (Her teacher doesn’t even look pregnant in my opinion).  But my kids have been known to say some embarrassing things.

Like last night when we went out to eat with our friends at this local family pub place.  Joshua and all the other kids were happily coloring their styrafoam cups when he exclaimed, “Look, everyone!  I drew a weiner!”  And on his cup?  Yes, it was a weiner.  And we are not talking about an Oscar Meyer Weiner.  Needless to say, I called him over to me and let him know it was not an appropriate drawing and told him to change his “weiner” into a rocket ship or something else.  (At least those art classes I enrolled him in are paying off, right?)  Really it was funny…and I get little boys can be obsessed with their…ummmmmm…hotdogs.  But I couldn’t let him think p@rn on a cup was okay!

Oh, before I forget, this morning little Madison saw my belly sticking out from under my shirt and told me she wanted to give the baby a bottle.  She told me the baby wants a bottle and she thinks that putting the nipple into my belly button feeds the baby.  This logic is coming from my 18 month old, mind you!   Kind of scary!  (And yes, peoples, I know that you can’t feed the baby through the belly button, but it really is scary that she would think there was a way to get food to the baby through the belly button!)

Oh, and the things Dwight comes up with!  He informed us Monday night that Adam was 99 years old before he and Eve  ever had sex.  I LOVE it when he comes up with stuff like this.  He reads the Bible on his own every day and comes up with some really amusing stuff.   Of course we have to challenge it, but I love that he is trying to think for himself.  So we tell him to show us, PROVE it to us.  He opens up Genesis and searches and searches…then finds a scripture telling of how Adam “knew” Eve at one hundred and something years old and they bore a son.  He then confessed he must have got the age wrong, he was over 100 years old!  (I guess the 40-Year-Old Virgin had nothing on him!)

Wow, what a long time to wait, right?  It actually was an interesting conversation, and we helped Dwight explore other possibilities.  Like the possibility that the Bible didn’t record every sexual act (or even the first one between Adam and Eve) in its books.  The point being made was that Adam and Eve had a son, not that they just had sex!  (Did I mention the guy will be 15 this month?)

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Sick, Sick, Sick!

Joshua took a day off school today.  He’s had a fever (on and off) since last Wednesday.  He did so good all day long, but when I woke up from my nap this afternoon, it popped pack up.  Grrrrrrrr!  I was up til 2 a.m. taking care of him last night.  This is getting exhausting! 

Scott came down with a stomach virus too.  So needless to say, our 4 day weekend was spent pretty much taking care of everyone (burn wounds, stomach virus, colds, etc.)  We didn’t get to take the kids out to do anything fun as originally planned! 

I will say that our time confined to the house has proven to be somewhat educational (at least about what our kids are learning).  Scott was watching tv with Joshua the other night when something weird came on (a commercial or something).  Joshua looked at Scott and asked.  “What the hell was that?”  How do you correct a kid without laughing over something like that?  I mean, it was bad that he thought he could say that (although I question whether or not he really thought it was okay)…but he’s usually the one scolding Kelly for saying something she shouldn’t!  Scott managed to handle it well, but thank God I wasn’t in the room!

 So anyway, I haven’t been on much.  The house is full of sick people.  We’re just trying to survive. 

Oh, and Dwight posted again on his blog (See “My Son” on my blogroll).  Let me just say, there are about 100 reasons why I’m glad he isn’t president, even if he thinks he’d be the best person to run the country.  But he really thinks he’s ready for the job (right now)!  I tried to convince him that maybe he might not quite be there yet, but he listed all his qualifications: Extensive knowledge in military history and government, a vision for this country, and the drive to get the job done regardless of anyone else’s protests!   Sometimes there is no arguing with a teenager! 

P.S.  For more reads on Dwight’s political thoughts, check out these posts:

School Assignments

Details, Details!

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