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Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Wow…it’s been over a year.  I suppose I have some catching up to do! 

First things first…life has been crazy.  The adoption process has been put on hold, and Scott and I have both been stretched beyond what we can handle on our own.  I know, I know…many Christians out there say that God won’t give us more than we can handle, but I disagree…and this post here explains my thinking on this topic.  But I won’t get into this one right now…

I’ll just focus on summing up the last year:

1.  Started the adoption process.  We completed the classes, turned in all the paperwork, completed our home study, and waited for the phone call from the adoption specialist.  Instead, after finally calling the office myself and being told our file was in order (after they found it…yes, it was lost, then found), we get a letter in the mail stating that we were still missing information and needed to send it in.  Frustration settled in, I lost motivation, and didn’t even bother trying after that point, which turned out to be okay because…

2.  Scott’s sister and oldest son ended up moving in with us.  It only lasted a couple of months, and it was a very hard, trying, learning experience for us, but God has taught me so much through everything that happened and I am thankful that God knows me better than I know myself.  He knows what’s best for our entire family and I trust and am thankful that He is in control of all things…even when things don’t make sense!

3.  Scott has been working two roles (equivalent to TWO JOBS) for his company the last several months and it has been very, VERY trying and hard.  IF we’d had a child placed in our  home during all this other stuff we’ve been dealing with, we would have certainly failed.  However, God has continued to stretch, grow, and teach us through all of this…and I feel that Scott and I are closer than we’ve ever been.  He is still working both roles, but I’m confident that the company is going to finally start transitioning him off one role so we can stop living in survival mode and get back to living our lives with direction and purpose!

So…where does that leave us?  That leaves us back where we started over a year ago.   Several days ago, Scott felt that God told him that we are still supposed to adopt.  I felt the same thing, but didn’t really say anything to him until he mentioned it one night.  For me, it was just confirmation.  I don’t think it’s going to happen overnight…it may be another year before we have a child placed with us.  And I know my husband is still dealing with too much with work to pursue this, but I am going to take the first steps towards getting the ball rolling again because I know that even if I do my part, it’s still going to be a very long process! 

So I’ve found my motivation and am going to turn in the rest of that paperwork.  The state may make us start completely over at this point…and we may even decide adopting through the state isn’t the way we want to go…but for now, it’s where we are at.  Dwight is heading off to his first year of college next fall…and I don’t think we will have a child placed in our home before then.  But God’s timing is perfect and I am learning to just be patient and let God’s plan catch up with me and when I think things should happen.  So I am just going to be obedient, do what I can do, and let God do the rest.  If it all happens in three months…then okay.  If it takes 10 years, I’m okay with that too.

Trying to force things into my timing never works anyway!

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I had quite the shopping experience at Costco today.  I’ll try to blog about that tomorrow. 

But today, I am proud to say that I was able to purchase 2 24-packs of redbull for only $23 per pack thanks to the 2 $8 off coupons I got in the mail!  Woo hoo! 

Even the baby was jumping up and down in my belly when I drank a can to celebrate the awesome deal I struck!

Just kidding!  No redbull for me! 

But maybe I can convince my husband to drink one when he gets off work so he actually has enough energy to practice our labor/relaxation techniques and read the rest of the book I need him to read before I go into labor!  Here I was blogging about how supportive he’s been (and in many ways he has been!) but tonight I’m feeling just a little let down. 

He’s been getting up early to work out with his buddy, and then comes home mentally and physically exhausted…passing out an hour after he gets home.  I can’t help but feel a little resentful that I’m about to have this baby and he’s too tired from his early morning workouts/helping out his friend/working all day long to help out his wife in the evenings.  Grrrrrrrrrr.

At least he lasted longer tonight.  Last Friday he was snoozing away on the couch and it wasn’t even 7:00 yet! 

I’m really starting to feel jipped with this precious and short amount of time we have before the baby is born!  And he’s talking about making me walk to induce labor starting Monday?  Yeah, right buddy.  And we wonder why I’m not quite feeling ready?  Maybe a little more practice would help me feel a little more prepared! 

Ugh…Will redbull be able to save us?

Stay tuned…

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So, Scott and I exchanged vows in November of 1997, and along with gaining each other, we also got to bring adorable, lively, little Dwight with us on our move up to Washington state the day after our wedding which we had later in December.  Now Dwight was a fairly good kid, but I have to say it was a bit of an adjustment to go from just-dating to married with children (okay, with a child).  He did have some issues we were dealing with, communication being the biggest concern, because it was really hard for anyone to understand what he was saying, even at four years old! 

I remember getting settled into Washington, finding an apartment (very quickly because we were staying at my in-laws until we found one!), and moving in just to have Scott start his new job in the Army as a LT. and get deployed almost right away to the field and random places for training. 

It was really hard on me, getting married, moving away from everything and everyone I’ve ever known, and being stuck in this little apartment with a four year old kid I really didn’t know very well!  On top of that, I was very, VERY afraid to drive because when I asked Scott how big the Tacoma area was, he sarcastically responded that it was about the size of my hometown.  Only I didn’t pick up that he was kidding.  So when we drove into the Tacoma area, I FREAKED.  This place was like, 100 times bigger!  I’m not kidding.  I wouldn’t drive off the main road our apartment building came off of for the first 4 months or so!

So shortly after getting settled in, Scott gets sent off to the field for a few nights, and it was just one of the first times I had to deal with being alone (or should I say alone with Dwight?)  I often stayed up late because I couldn’t sleep, and then slept in because I was so exhausted from staying up so late!  So this routine went on and poor Dwight had to deal with me not wanting to get up at the butt crack of dawn like he tended to do. 

“Dwight.  Be quiet.”  I’d warn.  “If you want to get up and play, that’s fine, but do NOT wake me up.” 

One Saturday morning, he woke up bright and early, and I put him in the living room and turned on the t.v. 

“Here, watch your cartoons.”  I said.  “QUIETLY.” 

There.  I just bought myself at least another hour! 

And just as I started to drift off to sleep…

“FIRE!  FIRE!  MOM, THERE’S A FIRE!  FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!” 

Maybe it was the fact that he said those words so clearly.  Afterall, we’d spent the last several months having to translate nearly everything Dwight said for other people.  This had to be serious!  In about the 5 seconds it took me to jump out of bed and grab my pillow (you know, to beat out the flames with), every thought possible went flashing through my head. 

How in the world did he start the fire? 

Where is the fire?

Am I going to be able to put it out?

What is Scott going to say when he finds out we burned down the building while he was out in the field! 

Crap!  I’m gonna have to live with my in-laws again!  (Hey, what newlywed wants to live with their in-laws anyway???)

So with soft pillow in hand, I run into the livingroom where I find Dwight, leaning over the back of the couch, looking at me.  And he had the most mischievous, devilish grin on his face.

It was at that moment that I realized he saw the look of panick in my eyes.  I realized all the color must have drained down to the tips of my toes as I leaped from the bed (thinking about living with my in-laws again) and dashing to rescue my four-year-old son.  Apparently, this all was very, very funny to Dwight.  My eyes darted back and forth as I clenched my teeth and said,

“Dwight?  WHERE is the fire?” 

Smile.

“DWIGHT?  WHERE IS THE FIRE?”

No answer.  Just a smile. 

It hit me right then, that This boy is evil!  What have I gotten myself into?  I just married a soldier who is never home and he’s left me home with his devil child!  He’s going to kill me in my sleep!  He did this just to see me freak!

My heart was still pounding as I realized that Dwight was just playing around.  There was no fire.  False alarm!  Cartoons were still on and he was just simply tired of being quiet, so his imagination took hold of him and BOO!  He spooked his mama. 

“Dwight.” I said, in a stern quiet tone.  “I am going to go lay back down now.  Do not EVER do that again.”  That’s all I could say, because I just knew that if I went any further than that, I would probably kill him.

So I got back in bed and tried to sleep.  But if memory serves me correctly, I was too spooked to dream away.  After all, I was too busy trying to figure out just what else this kid was capable of!

Your Next Dwight-a-thon story:  The Midnight Laugh and The Spring

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Meshing with friends

Scott told me I needed to get off Suzy’s site and blog more.  I suppose I have been distracted lately…

But anyway, let me get caught up here. 

Saturday night Scott treated me to a special night out.  (Extra points for Scott for continuing to spoil his wife!)  We called our babysitter, got dressed up (pretty quickly, mind you – Joshua had a baseball game that lasted 45 minutes longer than we thought!), and joined our friends at Mesh for a rather unique dining experience.  We had reservations for 8:45, the earliest we could get in when we tried to make reservations online that morning.  So if you are in the Cincinnati area and want to try this place out, then make your reservations early! 

We went ahead and showed up about an hour early.  We figured we could order appetizers and hang out at the bar until our table was ready, but it wasn’t 60 seconds after we all ordered drinks (a diet coke for the pregnant lady!) when they went ahead and called us back to our table. 

The restaurant itself had a rather contemporary feel to it, and the people were doing just what the restaurant called us to do, interact, or mesh together (at least with the people we knew). 

Here I am, tired but having fun!

The staff was very professional and friendly, and the food was a unique experience.  Here are some pics of the food Scott and I enjoyed:

Compliments of the chef…it was a very delicious bite.  I could have eaten 10 more.

 

Oysters the only way my husband will eat them…COOKED!

 

I ordered the Iceburg wedge salad simply because it was the easiest one to omit the things I can not eat while pregnant.  (Like Bleu cheese!)

 

Scott’s steak and tuna.  (Can’t remember what it was called on the menu).  He ordered his medium, he got it rare.  So if you eat there, keep that in mind!  As you can see, the tuna is also not cooked all the way, so I didn’t take a bite of either!

 

My dish – Tilapia with couscous? in a saffron sauce.  Naturally, it just happened to be one of Saturday night’s special.  I ordered it thinking it sounded good AND really, how expensive can fish be?  Ha!  Should have asked!  Mine was one of the more expensive dishes.  Take one more look at my $44 cut of fish.  All in all, the dish was not bad, PLUS it was cooked all the way!  😉  But I probably would have gone for the pasta dish had I asked how much the special cost!

 

The best part (of course)!  This is their “famous” Chocolate Bailey’s cheesecake cake, bragged to be “Best Restaurant Dessert” in America by USA Today.  It was good, but I liked the chocolate on both sides of the cake better.  😉

It was a fun night as we sat at the table and chatted with our friends (without kids interrupting!)  In fact, I don’t remember seeing a kid in sight, which was probably a good thing considering the table behind us, seating a large group of people, laughed and joked about one lady’s birthday presents she just happened to be opening up right then and there.  (Yes, she really did say it was a blow job kit).  Not a G-rated environment! 

And just to make things funny for us, (and not in an x-rated way!) we got the bill and our friend asked the server to split the bill 50/50 between our cards, only we had 2 gift cards, leaving us with a balance of about $15 and our friends with a bigger balance on their one card. 

As the server walked away, I joked with Scott that our friend secretly switched out the gift cards, adding it to his credit card.  When the server came back, she’d actually charged our credit card for half the cost of the total bill and our friend’s card had the remaining $15 balance!  It was actually pretty funny after I made such a fuss about our “cheating friend” switching out the cards. 

Seriously though, this restaurant is not a cheap dining experience, so unless you are really intending to splurge…hey, I don’t need to remind you, you saw my plate!  😉 

But if you do want to save some money, go run by Costco and see if they still have the Mesh gift cards available.  You pay $80 and get $100 worth in gift cards, gaining $20.  So if you are going to Mesh, stop by Costco first! 

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He Scored (kinda)

Husband calling babysitter for Friday night: 500 points

Husband planning out date in advance (and purchasing concert tickets): 300 points

Husband asking me to call back babysitter to request an earlier arrival time:

– 100 points

Arguement over sandwiches vs pizza rolls for kids’ dinner: – 200 points

Opening car door for me: 100 points

Driving patiently in the rain to concert: 100 points

Driving even more patiently to find parking: 100 points

Look on husband’s face after parking man tells him the concert is tomorrow night:  PRICELESS

Scott was trying to be a bit more spontaneous, per my request.  Let’s face it, after 10 years of marriage, it is so easy to get into the same boring routine.  After the weeks and weeks of cold and sickness and depression, I broke down and that is one area I opened up about.  I just felt like we needed to add a little more spontinaity and excitement back into our marriage.  It’s easy to do that during the first year or two…but 10 years and 5 kids later…well…things were getting boring.

And I thought it was interesting that our pastor talked recently one Sunday morning about marriage.  He spoke about the good D’s vs bad D’s:

Divorce vs Declaration (Declare your love and commitment for your spouse).

Disconnection vs Discussion (It’s important to talk about the issues that are harming our relationships…they just won’t go away if we put it off!  Usually, they only get worse!)

Deception vs Devotion (I think this one is pretty self-explanatory)

Denial vs Dream (We always need to dream together.  Where do we see ourselves a year from now?  5 years?  10?  What are some things we’d like to accomplish and do together?)

and last but not least…

Dull vs Daring

The dull vs daring really stood out to me.  I wanted less dull and more daring in our relationship!

Scott has been working real hard over the last couple of weeks to do these things on the list.  (The good D’s, not the bad!)  He chose me over poker night, which was a BIG deal to me, and made me feel very important.  He didn’t do it with resentment in his heart, he sincerely wanted to spend time with me, even though he knew the guys were going to give him a hard time about not showing up.  He’s taken me out on several dates lately, sent me an e-card, bought me a couple cards that really touched on what we’ve been going through lately, and has even said a thing or two that’s made my heart skip a beat.  He really just focused on showing his commitment and love to me, and is bringing the passion back into our relationship.  In fact, he’s worked so hard at it, I told him last night that he might want to back off a bit before I start getting SUPER spoiled.  (I’m already spoiled), but if he keeps this up, I might just hold him to this standard all the time!  😉 

So things didn’t quite go as planned last night, however, we did enjoy watching Leatherheads (The George Clooney football film in which he wrote, directed, and acted in) and then going out for a 10:00 dinner.  I especially enjoyed the movie.  It was fairly clean and I’m always up for watching one of The Office actors.  I can’t wait for my show to be back on again! 

We didn’t really talk much over dinner.  We got a lot of talking in during the day before our date since he drove me to my OB appt and worked from home.  Besides, it was a bit loud and distracting at the sports bar we ate at.  But it was just nice to be together, alone, without ANY kids demanding anything from us. 

And tonight, he let me know that he chose me again.  We held a drawing to see which one of the kids would get to attend the concert with him tonight since we didn’t have a babysitter lined up, and Joshua won.  He was going to take him, but decided that he’d rather stay home and hang out with me.  Of course, we had to make it Joshua’s choice.  So we asked him.  “Would you rather have a friend over tonight, or go to the concert?”  Joshua weighed his choices (Hank Williams Jr. vs video games w/ his friend) for about half a second and chose his friend.  That was too easy!

So it looks like another nice evening at home with the kids.  I’m just glad those tickets weren’t too terribly expensive!  And I’ll always cherish the effort Scott made to do something different on date night…the look on his face when we checked the date of our tickets, the laugh we got out of it, and how we ended up doing the same thing we usually do on date night in the end.  But it was different.  Maybe it was because we decided on dinner and a movie at the last minute.  Or maybe it’s because of the efforts my husband has made lately to bring the spark back into our relationship.  No doubt his actions show how much he loves me.  His efforts as well as the turn of events last night made our night together one of the best date nights I think we’ve ever had. 

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I always wondered why families did it.  Why do moms take their sick kids out when they should be at home recovering?  Shouldn’t they let them recover in the comfort of their own home? 

Well, now I know.  Two months of near-constant sickness and now I get why sometimes you just have to push through it.  I have been miserable.  I was at the point where I was depressed and crying every. single. day.  The long cold winter days, ridiculous snow storms in March, and gloomy skies have not helped.  Oh, and the hormones. Hormones don’t help.

I got to the point where I pretty much stopped posting my blogs publicly.  I have several private and “Draft” posts, but they were just too emotional negative to post.  Not to mention, I was constantly crying to my husband.  “I NEED something more,” I told him.  I needed to feel like something more than a puke-cleaning, diarreah diaper-changing, snot-wiping, laundry-folding, cooking housewife.  I just felt lost in the midst of it all.  All the while, my husband was getting praises left and right for all the wonderful things he was doing for the company.  Eventually, I even got jealous.  I needed to hear that what I was doing was important.  Instead, I heard my kids complaining about how I’d failed them (or their expectations at least!) in some way or another.   

So a couple weekends ago I had my emotional breakdown.  I knew I was depressed.  I knew I was tired of the way things were going.  I knew that I left my comfortable life in SC for what?  This?  Everything I’d built, the friendships, the ministries, the home we had, I left for miserable coldness and sickness and loneliness.  Sure we found a great church here, but their ministry needs are not the same as the ones the last church had – the needs I felt capable of contributing towards.  And the ministry Scott and I have been called to do since the day God brought us together, well, that was put on hold too, because we were told we’d probably be moving again.  I remember telling my mom that I didn’t even want to tell my doctor about my depression because I was not going to take any meds during my pregnancy!  She assured me that my doctor wouldn’t put me on meds during my pregnancy.

My husband, however, was wonderful enough that weekend I broke down to skip his monthly poker night with the guys to take me out and spend time with me.  I SO needed that.  Lately I’ve felt like I’ve been having to step aside for everything else going on in our lives.  There’s always something more important.  And that week was the worst because I knew that the weekend was filled with plans and even the weeknights when I tried to plan at-home date nights where the kids went to bed early, my plans were crushed each night with the reality that we’d already made plans for each week night too!  I felt defeated, and I needed for us to invest more time in our marriage!

So Scott skipped poker night and took me shopping for a dress for the next night’s event – Founder’s Day.  Keep in mind I’m needing Maternity clothes by now, so trying to find a “dressy” maternity dress anywhere in the mall was quite the challenge.  But we did it!  And then he took me out to dinner.  Of course, Madison was with us the entire time, since we didn’t have a babysitter! 

The rest of the weekend went mostly well with Founder’s Day Saturday night and then Sunday, actually hiring a babysitter (for the first time since we’ve moved to Ohio) and going on an afternoon date with Scott.  We went to the movies and watched 10,000 B.C. and then headed to Wal-Mart where suddenly Scott was getting on my nerves more than ever!  It didn’t take much longer before I insisted we leave and we headed straight for the Urgent Care Clinic 30 minutes before they closed.  That’s right.  He dropped me off and went home to pay the babysitter and let her go home while I waited to be seen for my painful Urinary Tract Infection.  No wonder why I was making so many trips to the bathroom during the movie!  No wonder why I wanted to ring my husband’s neck for no apparent reason!  Good thing I went because by the time I went in to give them my sample I was bleeding!  Ouch.

Anyway, I figured the way we’ve been getting sick every single week that this must be this week’s thing, right?   It was my turn to feel sick.  Wrong.  Monday night, Madison woke up puking.  I ended up “sleeping” with her in the guest bed in her room that night because she was up puking from about 10:30 until 2 – 3:30 ish.  Have you ever tried to get an 18 month old to puke in a trash can?  Impossible.  So with piles of blankets, towels and sheets on the floor, we finally slept after about 3:30 a.m.  The next day she seemed clingy but mostly better, but that night, she puked one more time.  Weak stomach, right?

I figured she might have just had a rough night, and we proceeded with the week getting ready to go on a trip.  Because when I had my emotional breakdown Scott suggested we actually get away for Spring Break.  At first I told him I didn’t even want to think about it, but after thinking about it overnight, I thought it might be the best thing for us.  Afterall, this will probably be the last trip we take for a while since this baby is going to be born in the summer!

So, I spent the rest of the week getting ready.  I did loads and loads of laundry every day so that I could be completely caught up and then began packing our bags Thursday.  My goal was to get it all done before my sister-in-law, Tina, got here, because she and her husband and kids were able to come down for the weekend.  We hadn’t seen them in 10 months!  So needless to say, we were all excited about that and I didn’t want to spend any time packing when I could be hanging out with family.  So Thursday, I stuck my last load in the washer, got it clean and ready to dry, when what happens?  The dryer stopped working.  ARGH!  But hey, at least I got nearly every piece of laundry in the house washed, right? 

Thursday night Tina and the gang get here and I am up in their room talking when I get some great news.  Joshua just puked all over his bed and floor.  Ohhhh noooooooooo!  I was just sure that Madison had a sensitive stomach.  But no.  Joshua was up most of the night puking his poor little guts out.  So I stayed up with him until about 3:30 before he stopped.  Oh, and the laundry?  I had some dirty laundry now!

So the next day, he’s still not feeling 100% but at least he only puked a couple more times.  (Thankfully while Tina and I were shopping for Easter candy! heh heh)  I was tired, but I soooooooooo enjoyed hanging out with Tina and seeing the kids again.  Things weren’t going as planned (we’d originally planned on taking them out to a couple fun places), but at least we got to see them!  And Tina was a good sport about the whole thing.  She said she would have come no matter what our kids had.  I just hope that she didn’t end up regretting that decision this week!

So, anyway, we were hanging out that evening in the living room thinking about how Joshua was actually going to get some sleep that night, when Kelly woke up, “Moooom, I don’t feel good.”  Well, she was being so dramatic, we really thought she just wanted to stay up.  But sure enough, she ended up puking too.  By 2:30 the next morning, I woke Scott up.  “Can you please get up with her just this once?  I just can’t do this anymore.  I need one break!”  I’d been around so much puke that I was afraid I was going to puke if I had to smell it, hear it, or clean it one more time.  So Scott got up with her and was awesome enough to stay up until 6:30, comforting his little girl as she puked her guts out.  See?  I told you he is awesome!

By Sunday, the kids seemed to be mostly better.  Tina threw together an egg-dying table while Uncle James hid plastic Easter Eggs out front.  I remember thinking about how my kids would have had to have waited if it hadn’t been for her because I was just so tired!  I don’t know how she does it.  She’s like the Energizer Bunny!  So the kids did their Easter Egg hunt and then it was time for them to head home. 

I knew my kids weren’t 100% and probably could have benefited from recovering completely in the comfort of their own home, but I also knew that if we didn’t go on our planned trip, we’d probably regret it.  They were still feeling a little weak, but we decided, even though we were tired, that we were going to head out later that night.  So…that’s what we did.  It was time to just push through and not let all the sickness we’ve been plagued with the last couple months defeat us.  And let me tell you, we weren’t sure if we made the right decision or not!

 To be continued…

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I love my husband

and I’m a lucky girl.

Thank you, Honey, for going out of your way to show me how much you love me.

I love you,

Melissa

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