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Archive for the ‘Sick’ Category

I always wondered why families did it.  Why do moms take their sick kids out when they should be at home recovering?  Shouldn’t they let them recover in the comfort of their own home? 

Well, now I know.  Two months of near-constant sickness and now I get why sometimes you just have to push through it.  I have been miserable.  I was at the point where I was depressed and crying every. single. day.  The long cold winter days, ridiculous snow storms in March, and gloomy skies have not helped.  Oh, and the hormones. Hormones don’t help.

I got to the point where I pretty much stopped posting my blogs publicly.  I have several private and “Draft” posts, but they were just too emotional negative to post.  Not to mention, I was constantly crying to my husband.  “I NEED something more,” I told him.  I needed to feel like something more than a puke-cleaning, diarreah diaper-changing, snot-wiping, laundry-folding, cooking housewife.  I just felt lost in the midst of it all.  All the while, my husband was getting praises left and right for all the wonderful things he was doing for the company.  Eventually, I even got jealous.  I needed to hear that what I was doing was important.  Instead, I heard my kids complaining about how I’d failed them (or their expectations at least!) in some way or another.   

So a couple weekends ago I had my emotional breakdown.  I knew I was depressed.  I knew I was tired of the way things were going.  I knew that I left my comfortable life in SC for what?  This?  Everything I’d built, the friendships, the ministries, the home we had, I left for miserable coldness and sickness and loneliness.  Sure we found a great church here, but their ministry needs are not the same as the ones the last church had – the needs I felt capable of contributing towards.  And the ministry Scott and I have been called to do since the day God brought us together, well, that was put on hold too, because we were told we’d probably be moving again.  I remember telling my mom that I didn’t even want to tell my doctor about my depression because I was not going to take any meds during my pregnancy!  She assured me that my doctor wouldn’t put me on meds during my pregnancy.

My husband, however, was wonderful enough that weekend I broke down to skip his monthly poker night with the guys to take me out and spend time with me.  I SO needed that.  Lately I’ve felt like I’ve been having to step aside for everything else going on in our lives.  There’s always something more important.  And that week was the worst because I knew that the weekend was filled with plans and even the weeknights when I tried to plan at-home date nights where the kids went to bed early, my plans were crushed each night with the reality that we’d already made plans for each week night too!  I felt defeated, and I needed for us to invest more time in our marriage!

So Scott skipped poker night and took me shopping for a dress for the next night’s event – Founder’s Day.  Keep in mind I’m needing Maternity clothes by now, so trying to find a “dressy” maternity dress anywhere in the mall was quite the challenge.  But we did it!  And then he took me out to dinner.  Of course, Madison was with us the entire time, since we didn’t have a babysitter! 

The rest of the weekend went mostly well with Founder’s Day Saturday night and then Sunday, actually hiring a babysitter (for the first time since we’ve moved to Ohio) and going on an afternoon date with Scott.  We went to the movies and watched 10,000 B.C. and then headed to Wal-Mart where suddenly Scott was getting on my nerves more than ever!  It didn’t take much longer before I insisted we leave and we headed straight for the Urgent Care Clinic 30 minutes before they closed.  That’s right.  He dropped me off and went home to pay the babysitter and let her go home while I waited to be seen for my painful Urinary Tract Infection.  No wonder why I was making so many trips to the bathroom during the movie!  No wonder why I wanted to ring my husband’s neck for no apparent reason!  Good thing I went because by the time I went in to give them my sample I was bleeding!  Ouch.

Anyway, I figured the way we’ve been getting sick every single week that this must be this week’s thing, right?   It was my turn to feel sick.  Wrong.  Monday night, Madison woke up puking.  I ended up “sleeping” with her in the guest bed in her room that night because she was up puking from about 10:30 until 2 – 3:30 ish.  Have you ever tried to get an 18 month old to puke in a trash can?  Impossible.  So with piles of blankets, towels and sheets on the floor, we finally slept after about 3:30 a.m.  The next day she seemed clingy but mostly better, but that night, she puked one more time.  Weak stomach, right?

I figured she might have just had a rough night, and we proceeded with the week getting ready to go on a trip.  Because when I had my emotional breakdown Scott suggested we actually get away for Spring Break.  At first I told him I didn’t even want to think about it, but after thinking about it overnight, I thought it might be the best thing for us.  Afterall, this will probably be the last trip we take for a while since this baby is going to be born in the summer!

So, I spent the rest of the week getting ready.  I did loads and loads of laundry every day so that I could be completely caught up and then began packing our bags Thursday.  My goal was to get it all done before my sister-in-law, Tina, got here, because she and her husband and kids were able to come down for the weekend.  We hadn’t seen them in 10 months!  So needless to say, we were all excited about that and I didn’t want to spend any time packing when I could be hanging out with family.  So Thursday, I stuck my last load in the washer, got it clean and ready to dry, when what happens?  The dryer stopped working.  ARGH!  But hey, at least I got nearly every piece of laundry in the house washed, right? 

Thursday night Tina and the gang get here and I am up in their room talking when I get some great news.  Joshua just puked all over his bed and floor.  Ohhhh noooooooooo!  I was just sure that Madison had a sensitive stomach.  But no.  Joshua was up most of the night puking his poor little guts out.  So I stayed up with him until about 3:30 before he stopped.  Oh, and the laundry?  I had some dirty laundry now!

So the next day, he’s still not feeling 100% but at least he only puked a couple more times.  (Thankfully while Tina and I were shopping for Easter candy! heh heh)  I was tired, but I soooooooooo enjoyed hanging out with Tina and seeing the kids again.  Things weren’t going as planned (we’d originally planned on taking them out to a couple fun places), but at least we got to see them!  And Tina was a good sport about the whole thing.  She said she would have come no matter what our kids had.  I just hope that she didn’t end up regretting that decision this week!

So, anyway, we were hanging out that evening in the living room thinking about how Joshua was actually going to get some sleep that night, when Kelly woke up, “Moooom, I don’t feel good.”  Well, she was being so dramatic, we really thought she just wanted to stay up.  But sure enough, she ended up puking too.  By 2:30 the next morning, I woke Scott up.  “Can you please get up with her just this once?  I just can’t do this anymore.  I need one break!”  I’d been around so much puke that I was afraid I was going to puke if I had to smell it, hear it, or clean it one more time.  So Scott got up with her and was awesome enough to stay up until 6:30, comforting his little girl as she puked her guts out.  See?  I told you he is awesome!

By Sunday, the kids seemed to be mostly better.  Tina threw together an egg-dying table while Uncle James hid plastic Easter Eggs out front.  I remember thinking about how my kids would have had to have waited if it hadn’t been for her because I was just so tired!  I don’t know how she does it.  She’s like the Energizer Bunny!  So the kids did their Easter Egg hunt and then it was time for them to head home. 

I knew my kids weren’t 100% and probably could have benefited from recovering completely in the comfort of their own home, but I also knew that if we didn’t go on our planned trip, we’d probably regret it.  They were still feeling a little weak, but we decided, even though we were tired, that we were going to head out later that night.  So…that’s what we did.  It was time to just push through and not let all the sickness we’ve been plagued with the last couple months defeat us.  And let me tell you, we weren’t sure if we made the right decision or not!

 To be continued…

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Sick Again

I’ve somehow managed to get the lovely stomach bug Scott had.  My poor kids were so neglected today.  They had Pringles Stix and Pop Tarts for breakfast and then no more food until after school and Dad’s early return from work.  Maybe because even the thought of food made me want to hurl. 

This is miserable.  Any kind of slight movement (even typing) causes my stomach to start rumbling and my head to hurt. 

So……………. 

 I’ll be back when I’m functioning normally again. 

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Sick, Sick, Sick!

Joshua took a day off school today.  He’s had a fever (on and off) since last Wednesday.  He did so good all day long, but when I woke up from my nap this afternoon, it popped pack up.  Grrrrrrrr!  I was up til 2 a.m. taking care of him last night.  This is getting exhausting! 

Scott came down with a stomach virus too.  So needless to say, our 4 day weekend was spent pretty much taking care of everyone (burn wounds, stomach virus, colds, etc.)  We didn’t get to take the kids out to do anything fun as originally planned! 

I will say that our time confined to the house has proven to be somewhat educational (at least about what our kids are learning).  Scott was watching tv with Joshua the other night when something weird came on (a commercial or something).  Joshua looked at Scott and asked.  “What the hell was that?”  How do you correct a kid without laughing over something like that?  I mean, it was bad that he thought he could say that (although I question whether or not he really thought it was okay)…but he’s usually the one scolding Kelly for saying something she shouldn’t!  Scott managed to handle it well, but thank God I wasn’t in the room!

 So anyway, I haven’t been on much.  The house is full of sick people.  We’re just trying to survive. 

Oh, and Dwight posted again on his blog (See “My Son” on my blogroll).  Let me just say, there are about 100 reasons why I’m glad he isn’t president, even if he thinks he’d be the best person to run the country.  But he really thinks he’s ready for the job (right now)!  I tried to convince him that maybe he might not quite be there yet, but he listed all his qualifications: Extensive knowledge in military history and government, a vision for this country, and the drive to get the job done regardless of anyone else’s protests!   Sometimes there is no arguing with a teenager! 

P.S.  For more reads on Dwight’s political thoughts, check out these posts:

School Assignments

Details, Details!

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Honestly, It’s been a rough few days.  And I’m going to vent, knowing my husband reads my blog, knowing this post will probably tick him off.  Honestly, if he comes out of this ticked off, but knowing me better, it’s worth it.  And it’s not that he’s not a wonderful husband.  I’m a very lucky girl.  I know that.  I just wish he got me some times.

Madison came down with Croup over the weekend.  By Saturday, she was just a monster.   A MONSTER.  Late Saturday morning, Kelly came downstairs with a fever.  I ended up calling off my outing with a friend.  Probably turned out for the best because I ended up feeling sick by late afternoon.  So did Scott.  That made four of us  – sick.

Ugh.  So the fun began.  Madison, between her screaming and yelling and demanding her mommy, and then the other kids…who also happened to start feeling bad (Dwight is the only one who has remained healthy so far), it has just been wearing me down.  And Scott.  He’s had to deal with crazy work stuff.  Really stressful stuff.  And this week, he’s sick too, but he has to go in.  There’s not a whole lot of choice.

So we’ve all been toughing it out.  He’s dealing with work, I’m dealing with trying to keep up with household duties and sick kids, and healthy active kids…

But tonight it just all got to me.  I really haven’t had a break and I’m trying so damn hard to be supportive of my husband’s crazy schedule.  Shoot, I even insisted he go to his boss’ stupid STUPID Superbowl party when I really wanted him to stay home and take care of me.  I broke dishes, cleaned up, cooked dinner, and took care of the sick kids while he was eating the SuperBowl food I was looking forward to (because food is one of the few things during pregnancy to look forward to since you are deprived of so many other pleasures in life – like sleep!)

Today was draining.  Even when I tried to take a nap, I ended up dealing with Kelly who refused to take a nap, (but apparently decided to try to knock down walls or reconstruct furniture or something crazy like that in her room), then the phone rang, then Patrick, who kept leaving his room when he was supposed to be in there reading (he stayed home sick).  I guess they thought when mom was laying down, it was their opportunity to see what they could get away with.  I eventually gave up on nap time but I was more upset about the fact that I never did get the energy to do the dishes, or the laundry.  I was planning on getting at least half-way caught up with the laundry today.

Tonight when it was time to head up for bed, it just all became overwhelming.  Bedtime checklist.  I need to check the locks, turn off the tv, turn on porch lights, turn off indoor lights, ignore the dishes, put Dwight’s meds in his bottle, fill up the vaporizor and humidifier, check on crying kelly, take my vitamins, try to brush my teeth, all while Madison is screaming for whatever the heck she’s screaming about, heck, forget about brushing my teeth, and I’ll just wear what I’m wearing now, I can’t take anymore of this!  Why the heck did she have to wake up anyway? Argh!  I feel like there is so much to remember and do each night just to “get ready for bed.”  I should have started getting ready an hour ago.

And then Scott sees I’m frustrated and I guess it pissed him off.  I don’t even remember what he asked me now, but it was just how he said it, like, “What is your problem?  Why are you so pissy?” 

My response? “Don’t talk to me.”  Because I did not need that.  I DID NOT NEED THAT.  And I did not want to say anything stupid.  I have 5 kids demanding something from me all day long, and half the night, please just understand I’m frustrated because I can’t even get the damn humidifier tank to open up so I can fill it up!  See, the goal was in sight.  Bed time.  I was ready to get in bed, but I still had this to do list in front of me.  All those little details that go unnoticed or undone if I don’t do it.  And then, I get to go to bed with a coughing baby who will no doubt wake me up every hour of the night.  But I’ll check on her and give her the drink she needs for her dry throat or return her pacifier when she’s lost it, whatever she needs, because she just doesn’t feel good.  And I’m her mom.  That’s what moms do.  They nurture and take care of others, even when they are exhausted. 

So I got more frustrated because when I tried to explain to him that I’m in a bad mood because I’m just tired and worn out and I’ve had the kids all day and it’s been rough, he made it about him.  He made a comment about how he’s just had it so easy.  When did I ever say that?  (Although, in all fairness, at least he can take DayQuil/NyQuil!)  Seriously though.  I just wanted him to hear what I was saying and understand.  I wanted a hug and some reassurance that it will get better soon.  Talk to any woman, and she’d get it.  I really REALLY needed a woman to talk to right then. 

Newsflash.  Scott is not a woman.  Not that it’s an excuse.  He could have remembered the overwhelming feeling he’s had before when I left him with all the kids and they wore him out.  Yes, I know this happens, because I come home all happy from my time off and he’s the one who’s pissy.  See?  I know this happens!  

So tonight, I just shut down.  Because I feel like when he doesn’t get me, or understand what is going on with me, he gets angry.  I wonder if it’s because he’s so good at fixing things.  If he sees a problem, he’s naturally good at figuring out a solution to the problem, and fast.  But not with me.  No, he’s got one complicated wife.  So when it comes to me, I guess I feel like he responds to me with impatience.  Maybe like his mom responded to him when he needed special attention or understanding.  No patience, no understanding.  She wasn’t a very loving mother towards him. 

So tonight, I was just too tired.  Too tired to explain anything.  Too emotionally drained to get into it with him.  Too exhausted to say, “I just need you to understand I’m tired and don’t feel good.  I’ve had the life sucked out of me today.  I am frustrated with life right now.  There is nothing left.”  No, I just did not have it in me to try to get him to understand.   

And honestly?  The truth is, when you add on the pregnancy and emotions that go with the pregnancy, and yeah, maybe he’s really got it hard.  I’ve been more emotional during this pregnancy, but I’m starting to feel this whole getting angry everytime I cry or am upset is a cop out.  (Honestly).  I’m starting to get bitter about it.  (Honestly). 

And even more Honestly, I feel very alone right now. 

In this pregnancy.

I feel alone. 

I can’t even type those words without crying.  I realized today that I don’t have any pregnant friends here.  In SC I got to go through my pregnancy with Suzy.  I had a friend who just had a baby a few months before me too.  I had a couple of women who were experiencing what I was, and another good friend who remembered very well what it was like for her, and celebrated my pregnancy with me.  Here, I have 2 girlfriends.  One who works the same hours as Scott and then goes home to get her kids to bed, and the other stays very busy during the day too.  We probably get together twice a month with these friends.  They are awesome people, but life and kids make it hard.  That, and we are just in different stages in our families.  I mean, we’re working on number 6, and they both are done at 2. 

Honestly, I’m also a bit jealous.  People around here have family close by too.  Family they get together with over weekends and holidays.  Neighbors who have parents nearby and brothers and sisters who fight over who gets to have Thanksgiving or Christmas at who’s house.  I don’t think I’ll ever know what that’s like. 

So feeling alone in this pregnancy, I kind of feel like, since this is the third time going through this, eh, just deal with it.  All these emotions and fears and everything else I’m dealing with?  I really should just get over it because I’ve been through it two other times, right?  I should know better and be better than that.  Screw hormones and what they do to a woman’s body.  Screw a mother’s love so deep that she fears for her child’s well-being before the child is even born.  Screw feeling out of control and not having one understanding ear open to those feelings.  Being pregnant is probably one of the most vulnerable periods I’ve ever been in.  I am so out of control. 

Yeah, I’m feeling sorry for myself, I know.  I should be thrilled that I get to have another baby.  I just hate going through this like this.  Somewhat scared and alone.  Not having someone who can relate to what I’m going through, to talk about cravings and disappointments about having to avoid certain foods or drinks.  I guess I just thought that since this was my last pregnancy, it was going to seem even more special.  I want it to be more special.  I will never get to do this again and that is kind of hard for me to come to terms with.  It would just be nice to have somebody go through this with me.   Really, why should the mom have to go through it alone?  Wouldn’t it be nice if the dad had to (or even willingly) gave up the same food and drinks the mom had to go through?  And hormones…Oh how I wish they could just experience the hormonal surges and emotions for 1 day.  And the physical changes.  You know, I’d definitely have to grab my camera for that one.  Honestly, That would just be awesome.

Honestly, my husband is a wonderful man and he does many things to spoil me.  Like Sunday night when he rubbed my feet.  I felt a little pampered then.  It’s just that I’m feeling very alone in this.  I feel like I need to be nurtured and cared for too, even on an emotional level, and I don’t have that here.  It takes a while to build relationships and friendships at a level where you can really open up to the other person.  My husband is the only person here (in Ohio) I feel like I can talk to about my most deep, intimate thoughts and concerns.  I guess I feel that the most important relationship here, the one between my husband and I, could use a little more nurturing and understanding.  I need to be nurtured and understood too.  I need to be able to feel safe enough to open up my heart and share my fears and concerns and disappointments, without feeling judged.  I’ve given up that need every time we’ve moved.  Every time I’ve had to say goodbye to friends and work on building new ones, just to leave again.  Honestly, that is a hard thing to do for someone like me.  I don’t make friends quickly.  I tend to choose my friends cautiously.  So for me, it takes time to build up that level of trust and intimacy. 

Honestly, I’m not there with anyone here.  Not yet.

Update: 9:15 a.m.  Scott sent me an email from work this morning, telling me he loved me and apologizing.  He’s always been good at apologizing.  Not me.  I think yesterday was just a rough day for both of us.  I’m glad yesterday is over.

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I went in to the Urgent Care Clinic Monday morning.  They diagnosed me with Acute Bronchitis and a Sinus Infection.  No wonder why I was so miserable!

 Today is the first day I began to feel half way normal (although I’m still not 100 percent!)  And poor Madison is coughing and congested now!  I hope she’s not getting what I had, although it is very possible.  She goes in on Friday anyway for a well baby check up.

I’ve had a hard time not being bummed the last two weeks I’ve been sick.  My Christmas tree is up, but still no lights or decorations.  My house is trashed and there are boxes still waiting to be sent to family.  I so wanted to get this stuff done, but it’s just been too hard.  I’m not used to getting sick like this, so when I do get sick, I’m still so hard on myself about not getting everything done that I think should get done.

Oh well.  That’s life.  I’m off to bed.  I have an appointment at Dwight’s school bright and early (7:15 a.m.) to discuss an IEP plan for him.  (Thank God).  He needs help and it seems like the faculty and staff are eager to help Dwight out.  Can I say how wonderful it is to see this?  Do you know how many schools try to ignore the problems and deny there are any issues in order to save themselves the extra work? 

Okay, I’ll save that subject for another time.  I’m tired and having a hard time focusing!  G’Nite All!

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This Cold Needs To Go!

This cold is seriously kicking my butt.  I thought I was getting over it, but apparently it’s going to take a little longer.  How I long for the days when NyQuil can once again wait for me on my nightstand.  It has been years since I’ve had NyQuil now.  And it will be a couple years more!  But after I birth and wean this baby…

I know I sound crazy missing NyQuil so much (perhaps I sound like a bit of a druggy), but it’s amazing how much you miss those conveniences and comforts when you can’t have them!  (And this is coming from someone who very rarely takes medicine!  Even when my doctor prescribes me Percocet after surgery, I drive my hubby crazy because I’m constantly waiting too long to take another and end up miserable and in pain…but I just don’t like the way it makes me feel).  But NyQuil?  NyQuil let’s me sleep when my nose and head and throat is congested to the point of misery.  I like sleep.

I really never intended to blog about NyQuil, and I know my posts haven’t been all that deep lately, but right now I’m just hanging on.  I’m reading other blogs, and not commenting so much on some, especially the ones I really want to give my input and opinion on, but I’ll get to you, I promise! 

In the meantime, I’m going to fight off this cold and pray the antibiotics are working and Madison will recover fully from her ear infections (both ears!  Poor thing!).  She’s still acting a little unhappy, so I really do hope we won’t have to do another round of antibiotics on her after this.  I’m with the doctors on this one…only use antibiotics when absolutely necessary! 

Okay, I’m going to attempt to sleep now.  It’s after 11 and I am going to have a relatively busy day tomorrow.

By the way, the weather turned out to be freakishly nice today!  65 degrees according to weather.com!  Thank you, God!  I so needed the nice weather on the one day I had to run to my son’s school to pick up cookies, and Home Depot to get paint, and let’s not forget about standing outside to pump gas, and picking up my son’s prescription.  Yes, I did some running around today, and I didn’t mind it the least bit because today, I wasn’t cold!

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Last night I had a dream that it was getting time to move again.  (Why do I keep dreaming about moving?).  But instead of moving to Arkansas like we thought we would, I approached Scott and told him, “I had a dream that we are moving to Georgia.”  That’s when he opened up and told me that he’d already set things in motion to move there, that things weren’t going good in Arkansas but there was a great opportunity in Georgia.  He told me it was meant to be…we were supposed to move to Georgia.

Next thing I knew, we were sitting in front of the sea.  There were these strangly built houses in front of the beautiful waters, but we were standing on an empty lot.  Scott said, “I bought this lot.  We can build a lakehouse here.”  I looked up and saw a “Sold” sign plastered across the Lot sign.  I looked down the line of houses and saw that there were other lots available too.  Some of them looked more appealing, maybe a bit bigger and in a better location, but he said that this was the lot he wanted.  I knew I had to trust him with this choice, because although some of the other lots looked nicer, it seemed that for some reason they might have been more expensive to build on, like the construction crew might have to do more work on the lot itself before building on it.  Some of the lots just didn’t look stable for some reason.  I knew we didn’t have a whole lot of space on this lot Scott chose, which bummed me out, but Scott explained to me that this was just going to be a summer get-away sort of place, that we still needed to go house hunting.  Either way, the kids were with us and they were running around the lot, excited as can be.  We were going to have a place in front of a lake, or ocean, or whatever it was in my dream!

I remember thinking in part of my dream that the waters had to be the ocean, because I realized, “Wow, we are just a few hours from Suzy now.  I can drive down to Florida to visit Suzy!”  And the town we were living in was just beautiful.  I knew I was going to love living there, even though I was disappointed that we weren’t moving any closer to my mom like I’d hoped to be.

Anyway, I don’t know why I keep thinking about that dream.  It’s kind of funny how I keep dreaming about moving.  We’re still trying to get settled into our home here.  Thank God we are not moving in the summer as originally planned!

So on to real life.  Today after picking Joshua up from the bus stop, I started on lunch.  I still have a cold and my throat is congested and sore, so I didn’t feel like making anything. 

“What do you guys want to eat?”  I asked Joshua and Kelly, looking for ideas.  

“Ramen noodles!”  Joshua shouted.

“Okay.”  Ramen noodles are easy.

“I don’t want Ramen noodles.” Kelly announced. 

“Okay…what do you want?” I asked, dreading her answer.

“I want crackers!” 

“That’s not a healthy lunch!”  was my reply.

And that’s when my brain kicked in.  “And ramen noodles is a healthy lunch?”  Okay.  I literally laughed out loud, and Kelly got her way, because crackers aren’t much different than Ramen noodles when it comes to nutritional value.  And I’m still sick, so my only goal for lunch today is to fill their little tummies  so I can take a nap.  They can win this one! (Just this once!)

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